Do I have to?????

I dont want to work anymore....well I want to work, just not the current job I have. I want to be a creator, a photographer, a designer; really anything that uses the creative juices are the ones I want. I really think I am going to take a photography course, do some fun stuff do some family stuff and see what people think. I honestly love photography I could watch a professional do their thing for hours, not to mention looking at the amazing work that comes out after all the creativity. You should see the stuff I take pictures of, Oscar things I'm weird when I agree to go to the golf course with him and while he's golfing Im taking pictures of a flower, or the landscape, or I set up a shot of him putting or really anything that catches my eye. I erase all the nonsence later, because no one is going to look at it other than me, but I loooooove taking pictures, and if I could do it for "real" would be awesome. Now, to find some money to take this course with is my problemo. I of course havent worked all summer because I have had something like three more seizures and my doctor took me off work; oh I tell ya life is grand for me. Seizures....then a kidney infection that I thought was going to kill me, then another seizure, more medication. I look like the drug queen when you see what I get to take everyday; but enough about me. Money......hmmm any ideas??

Here I Am!!!

I could tell you that I took the summer off, but then I would be totally lying. So we will go with that, I took the summer off, of everything really....no work, no blog. I guess you could say I have been totally useless, well to some extent. I am currently growing a human, so I have been "working". I was reminded about blogging this weekend by a two strangers...."stranger danger, stranger danger!" Well I haven't seen them in forever and a day, so I am teasingly calling them strangers. None of us has changed, other then I have a basketball in my shirt and ole Duff is trying to catch up to me......Stacy really THREE pieces of dessert?? Oh well it helped soak up some of those drinks hey buddy? This past weekend was by little cuz's wedding, it was very nice, but the best part of it is seeing family and friends that you don't get to see often....like my strangers I mentioned in the above paragraph. Why I am writing a paragraph about seeing family I really don't know because the ones that live far away...its nice, and I will be happy to keep it that way. You know family is one of those things you keep hidden at the back of a shelf and you only pull out for "special occasions" and you shove 'em right back into the the dark corner of that shelf when its all said and done. Now don't get me wrong, not all of the family has to be shoved away; just the weirdos, and I have to say, some families have way more of them than others. Then there are the ones that seem normal, you cant really place your finger on why you have them shoved away in the darkest space at the back of your cluttered closet......then they open their mouth and it all comes racing back. Oh ya, I had some of that this past weekend. Nuff said really. I just want to note here, that Somerlee's camera has many random pictures on it....and I didn't do it...well not all of it. I only did a few fun ones and then someone saw me having fun.....that is all I will say. I hope to see my strangers again soon. Please enjoy my picture of Stacy very much enjoying his 3rd piece of dessert, which he spread all over the table. Yes he is special, but we love him anyway.

Crazy Canucks and our love of the sport

It’s pretty funny how passionate people get about their hockey, and I must admit I fit into this mold. This mostly means us crazy canucks but I know there are some passionate Americans as well but I am not one of those people I am a proud and ardent Canadian. We Canadians have our one most cherished favourite team, and we also have our one most despised hockey team. Now when someone else put our beloved team down, we get very defensive, as if that individual just cut down our brother or best friend. I try not to get to upset over the everyday jibber jabber, like all the crap getting thrown at me right now because people are highly jealous that my beloved team is currently wiping the ice with the Pittsburgh Penguins. I let them have their five minutes on game day to tell me how the Penguins are going to show up and kick the Wings, blaa blaa blaa. So of course the next day….for example today, I came into work with a smile on my face and then proceed to ask the certain individuals….not naming names but today it was Kevin and Chris, I asked them what it was that they were talking out of their “behinds” about yesterday. I enjoy when the smart mouths have to eat it the next day, sweet revenge. When we lose and people like to rub it in, I love to not give them the satisfaction, I simply smile and say "oh well" nothing bothers a guy worse than that, ahhhh. For dirty hockey talk come play off time anything is legal, Canadians fight over hockey almost the way that the Europeans are over footy; ALMOST. Oh, and my highly despised hockey team is my loving husbands favourite team, things get interesting in our house. In fact, right now he is cheering for the Penguins, so you can imagine some of the spurs we are giving each other lately. I enjoy watching my Wings play hockey anytime and Oscar enjoys watching any hockey, he is a Canadian guy, he lives it, breaths it, he would eat it if he could. However when his Oilers are playing on TV I would rather go have my fingernails pulled out one by one (ok not quite that bad, but I hate watching them play). So to wrap today up all I have to say is GO WINGS GO, and if you don’t agree….you can go eat dirt, and the odd worm.

my thoughts on movies....

You know when you go to a movie and you expect this great movie and then you leave feeling like you have had the biggest let down of your life? You feel as if you wasted $10.00 on your ticket? Well last night I went to the new Indiana Jones movie (and just for your knowledge, not because I wanted to) and don’t worry I didn’t go in expecting some amazing movie. I went in expecting a dorky movie and that is exactly what I got. I suggest when anyone goes to a movie you should go in expecting a mediocre movie (even if deep inside you hope the chosen movie will be amazing), just so that if it is a great movie you can leave with a big grin on your face; and if it is a crappy movie you can leave a little less disappointed. See I am quite excited to go see the Sex and the City movie, but I am not letting myself get swept up in the commercials, because for all I know those are the only good tidbits of the movie at all. I don’t want to leave there thinking that those girls should have left their cosmos and sex stories retired. So I am going in really expecting nothing but a bunch of fluff (which should be just about right because honestly even the biggest die hard Sex fan knows that that is really all that show is in the long run). So the next time you go to a movie and come out disappointed I don’t want to hear the grumbles about how you expected so much more. The only reason you are disappointed is you own fault, you expected too much from Hollywood……honestly think about it, you expected too much from the home of silicone and whackos.

my perfect vision

I have a dream, nay a vision. Of the perfect kitchen to ever exist on this planet, but don’t you know that one thing stands in my way….Money. My honey made me proud by buying a lottery ticket yesterday, in hopes of building me my dream kitchen, and bathroom and anything else I can think of. Back to the kitchen though, it’s rough for Oscar because I went to school for interior design, so my brain is constantly turning with new colours and ideas for our home, inside and out. The kitchen however is on my mind 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I have drafted, oh, I will say about 5 different layouts for my kitchen. They have the same basic plan, but everyday I think of something different or better. Oh when I get my kitchen make over (someday over the rainbow in years I don’t even want to count) I want to make a royal mess of my main floor. When I go remodel I go all out or don’t go at all. I am ripping out walls and putting in beautiful floors, dark cabinets, stone counter tops as far as the eye can see, an island the size of Hawaii. New appliances of course and lovely glass tile backsplash….I could keep going but I would hate to bore those of you that find reconstruction and design rather boring. I also have to say that if you find that boring then you must be dead, how can you find that stuff boring?! Crazies.

smash the alarm!

Who honestly likes to wake up an hour earlier than they are used to? Not me, I will admit that right now. It’s really hard especially after having three months in bed and waking up whenever I wanted to. Now I have to get up extra early and be ready in time for my dear man to drive me to work; an hour early no less! Oh this is because when you have a seizure the docs think it is fun to punish you by taking away your license. Now don’t get me wrong if you have seizures in the middle of the day for no reason it is a good idea to remove that individual from the roads, because hello….hazard. I am not a hazard, my medication was not strong enough in my system anymore and I have my seizures IN MY SLEEP! Yes, in my sleep, if I didn’t live with someone I probably wouldn’t be aware that I have had any seizures….I’m sure I would eventually figure it out, bitten tongue no idea where I am or who I am for a few hours; but still. I am only willing to do this wake up early crap for so long, and I’m already getting really tired of it.

seizure fun

So I had another seizure, I was going through my pregnancy thinking everything was ok on that front at least, and it sure as a hell isn’t ok there. My medication is being metabolized a lot quicker than normal and I have a heck of a lot more blood in my system; so now I am so freaked and worried over having to take more medication and having to have my levels checked. I am freaking out about what my medications could do to my child even. Tell you what, the internet is a scary place when you want to find information, I am finding out that I could possibly give my baby a cleft palate and if I’m not taking enough folic acid I could cause the poor thing spina bifida. What was I thinking, imagining that I could have a child while on my seizure medication? My Neurologist put me on this kind and told me it was the best one if I planned on having a family, but I feel as if I really shouldn’t be allowed to have kids; I am screwed up, my health isn’t really all there, so why would I play Russian roulette with a life? I should not have even thought about having a family. Maybe I should have let my husband move on and have a healthy family with someone else, because who knows if our family will be healthy? I can only hope that the only “problems” my children have are family traits you know, like goofy sense of humour, funny ears and the weirdness required to want to stand between two goalie posts…..that sort of thing.

Let me tell you what, I have had one stressful year and a half, I just want it to calm down and go with the flow…..I need my life off I think.

Sooooo I had another one

So the weekend was going great, things were looking normal, I was back to work life was great. Then at quarter to six on Sunday morning I had another seizure, flubhappy-muckaluck wonderful. Another fun ride in the ambulance and a few hours in emergency, and my meds upped and informed that I cant drive again. I don't think anyone can try to commiserate with me over the driving thing, no one knows what it is like to lose your freedom until you have your licence taken away, for no reason. I do not have my seizures while I am awake, they are called "waking seizures" for a reason! I have them when my body is leaving the land of dreams otherwise known as REM sleep. I got to have some blood work done to check the levels of my medication, and the are making me take more....much fun! Oh and get this the blood work has to go to Toronto because nowhere in western Canada does that particular test! We did get to have an ultrasound done yesterday to see the little gaffer, and we get our regular scheduled one next Wednesday so that is fun, we get to see the swimmer two times in two weeks. It is so cool to see the little thing moving and kicking the heck out of my bladder already....yes already. I want to go shopping, now I'm getting bigger and the "regular" clothes that I have been stretching out are not doing it anymore, they are stretched and will never go back (haha don't tell Oscar but that means I get to go shopping again after!) He figures that two shirts and 3 pairs of pants will do me just fine for the next 20 weeks...ya sorry NO. We have three maybe four weddings to go to, jeans don't do it, and I need some cute shirts and capri pants, I am going shopping dang heck it whether he likes it or not....one problemo, I cant drive who wants to take me up to the big city to buy some clothes?

Happy birthday to me happy birthday to me!!!! That’s all I have to say! Oh and above is what I am buying myself for my birthday, because I have always wanted a pair and because my hubby just bought himself a new set of irons.....I think its only fair.

The two dont mix

I have to share with the world how peeved I am, and have always been that my birthday is right around (and sometime even on) Mothers Day. I do not think this is very fair at all, even when I was young I knew it spelt trouble. I always had to share my day MY DAY with my Mom and Grandma and the rest of the moms in the family. Then when I was old enough to realize that I may one day have children I have always sworn that I would kill the people closest to me if they tried to roll the two days into one. One is my birthday people and the other is Mothers Day, two very different days indeed. Even if it happens to be one of the years when they fall on the same day, I should get two cards and two presents. At least this year my birthday thankfully is on Saturday and Mothers day is on Sunday. You bet your gonna hear about it if the families try to mush the two together…oh there will be hell to pay.

ITS ME! IM BACK!

Hello world!! So I am back into the world, 3 months of bed rest really sucks after a while. I mean thank the powers that be that I got to lay in bed for most of my puking. Things were a bit scary, but my great hubby took awesome care of me and now I’m up and just look like I have gained a small paunch from lying in bed. Beautiful! It is totally amazing all the things that make a pregnant woman puke, morning breath (yours or someone elses), smells of food you normally love, and the best is simply the thought of some things make you puke! At least I have a reason, and a good one at that. I get a little pumpkin out of the deal, the only thing I beg of is that the pumpkin does not come out with reddish orange hair like its cousin just did this past January. Hopefully it pops out with thick dark hair like its mom, and really I hope it comes out without all of its father’s ills and stuff. My husband is the king of allergies and scoliosis, not to mention a little weeeeeeird in the melon. So for all of you that read and would like to know, today I am sitting nicely at 17w/3d, reaching for that 20 weeks, cause then its half way AND maybe these stretching pains will subside, one can only hope!

Woweee, I will be filling you all in soon on my daily goings on.

I am wildly mad

I have to ask how it is that you ask someone to be in one of the most important days of you life....and then take it back, for no better reason than one bitch who complained and complained about being in the wedding (but wanted to be pregnant, and the whole world has to bow to her becuase she "might" be on bed rest). So you let the "woman" be in the wedding anyway, and ask another guy to be part of the day. The dumb bitch gets pregnant and says she cant be on her feet at the time of the wedding, so you call the guy and say...so oops, dont want you now! I dont think that is right. NO WAY You swallow the pill from the chick, and either find someone else or you have one extra person on one side. I was in a wedding last year, there were three girls and two guys, it was still nice. So what he wants more guys, or she wants more girls. YOU DONT ASK A PERSON AND THEN TAKE IT BACK!!! That is what my cousin did....Right at this moment in time....I am not going to the damn wedding. Its a damn good thing my husband didnt book the days off of work yet.

The red ambulance

Why is it that when we dream they feel so real, even though they might be as whacked out as Fantasia? Why else is it that as soon as you wake up in the morning you remember every little detail of some of your dreams, but within an hour you can’t for the life of you remember any of it? Sometimes you will see something during your day that might trigger a small memory from the dream, like this morning for example. I knew I had a dream with one of my co-workers in it, but do you think I could remember the darn thing? All of a sudden he walked into the office and the dream hit me like a cement truck. I had to tell him my dream right away; I mean I was only looking out for his best interests. Isn’t it completely odd how something you saw or something you did that has no importance to your day, somehow winds up in your dreams? Like this dream with my co-worker for example. Last night I was watching the fluff they like to call E news or whatever, they were talking about Britney being hauled away in this red ambulance to a psych ward (which I might add it is about flippin time! That girl should have been locked away in a padded room ages ago.) Back to the real story here, my dream last night involved the red ambulance and a co-worker. Me and someone, (I obviously don’t remember this particular detail), we are driving down this side street near these crappy cheap apartments and someone is being loaded into the red ambulance and I guess there must have been more to my dream, I must have went on with my day or whatever I may have been doing…who knows right it’s a dream; so a while later, on the news perhaps? I hear that my co-worker burned his face really bad, and I know that he did something to himself but do you think I can pull that one out, I see it, fuzzy in there somewhere but for the life of me I cannot remember that small detail. I think that was all of that dream, and really it is so stupid, I mean how can I put this red ambulance into my dream and have a co-worker burn his face off? Any weird dreams lately???

BRRRRRR

Finally I feel like coming back to the world of writing stuff. I have had fun lately with our sub-zero, snowy, blowy winter landscape. To start this week off our driveway was blown in, and when I say blown in I mean it. Not cute little snowdrifts that you can plough through with your vehicle. No no, these were monster drifts that any kid would be in heaven with. Carve that puppy out and wa-la, instant snow cave. I’m tellin ya, we couldn’t get out of our yard, so yay for me I got a snow day on Monday. Monday night we got a tractor to come down our drive way and carve a small path through the monsters. The big country tractor had a hard time making it though the wall of frozen wind blown white goodness. We could get through, but almost hit our mirrors on the “walls”. Now temperature is another thing. Wow holy mother of god and the wee donkey; Along with this crazy wind came the cold northerly temperatures. So Monday when Mother Nature was doing her best to huff and puff and blow the houses down. The temperatures hit an amazing -54 Celsius, it was probably about -36 or so and then with the wind chill felt like -54…..they say; I think it felt more like -120. I was crazy, yes I was, I know you are thinking I am always crazy but in my little head on Monday I was actually certain that I was in all ways possible CRAZY. I suited up in all the winter gear and then some, meaning: long johns (for a girl are they called long janes?), jeans, sweater, toque, long thick socks, long fuzzy scarf, lined leather gloves, bib snow pants, big thick winter coat, big winter boots and…ok I think that was it. By time I was dressed up I was sweating like a stuck pig and couldn’t see anything. My toque was down to my eyebrows and my scarf was up to the bottom of my eyes. I felt like I was in a cocoon. I ventured outside to walk, what maybe 100 yards to the opening of our driveway just to check out the ginormous drifts in the driveway, and then back up to the house. Tell ya what; a person ALWAYS forgets how cold those temperatures are every year until they drop by. The moment I stepped out the door I knew I made a mistake, my eyes froze open and I couldn’t catch my breath (more from the psycho wind that anything) but believe you me that freakin temperature was insane. By the time I got back to the house I couldn’t feel my cheeks. You bet your booty I had a huge steaming cup of coffee and baileys when I got in. I also looked out the window on occasion and thought; never again will I be so silly as to venture out there. I sure did get up the next morning and venture out into the same temperatures minus the wind to go to work. And to think I could have been in Costa Rica this week.

sorry

Sorry folks, I have not been in a great mood for a while. Things have been kinda crappy for me, so I haven’t had my “humour” in a while. When I am back up and at ‘er, watch out. I will have some good stories for ya!

Its a.....

Wow, long time no read! It has been a looooong week, to start it off, on the 9th my lovely sister in law was taken to the city because her baby just couldn’t wait, oh yes; the little critter came out a full month early. So we were away for a few days, then hockey hockey hockey all weekend, which I enjoy, but I just wanted to be home doing a whole lot of nothing! Then the beginning of the week was wreaking havoc on my mental state. Babe had to go back into the hospital, at least the local one this time, but we were down there every night after work until late. Don’t get me started on work, no ok, to late I am on the topic now and I’m not gonna get off it! I know that there are more than a few of us in the world who have morons for bosses. I think mine is the king of the castle however. I got a nice big lecture about my calling in late Thursday night to leave him a message that we were in the city with sister in law and the baby. Well I apparently should call him at midnight to discuss whether or not I am allowed to be up there still on Friday, it is not my decision…..oh sorry, sure I will ask then, and next time I will make sure it is good and late when he thinks I am going to call him at home, I’m going to make it something like 2:00 am. What the heck, if he were to tell me no, I know where I would be telling him to shove the phone. HELLO family emergency here buddy, it has never been an issue before if I called and left a message on his phone. Then the next one was e-mail, I along with everyone else in the entire world that works in an office forward funny e-mail. In fact at this very moment I have 4 new ones sitting in my inbox from my co-workers. Apparently I am the only one in the entire universe that does this, and I am wasting company time doing it. So I guess one minute to read a joke and send it on is a huge time waster, I’m going to break the company (which I might add is no where near getting broke). You know what? He doesn’t care if everyone else in the company does it, he is changing me, I am only allowed to use my e-mail for company business. I am now hording all of my e-mails from co-workers and I am going to print a bulk pile of the suckers out and plop on his desk. The best part about all of this is he is really no longer my boss, funny thing here folks, he passed me off to a different person for me to be under, and I have no idea if this other person is my boss yet or not. Ya I have no idea why I work here either, I am a loony toon I think. So he wrote me this big long letter about all the stuff I am in “trouble” for and forward it on to my new boss. Another funny thing, she forwards the odd e-mail out just like the rest of us. Oh except him. I’m not the only one here who thinks this individual is a wack job. I am just one of the lucky few who have to deal with it. Anyone want to hire me? I swear I am really good at my job….

You can't make me!

I so wimped out on the gym thing last night; I am such a goober! I went with Oscar and his buddy to their squash night, and when we pulled up to the communiplex, I sure did ask Oscar what he wanted from Walmart…..cause I was not, under any circumstances going into the building.

I went to Wally World and spent some money, and then I went through Timmies drive through and got myself a nice big fattening baggle with cream cheese, along with a oh so yummy iced cap. I know your mouth is watering, cause mine is. I then headed back over to the gym, no not to work out, only to watch the boys run around the court, and to taunt them with my Tim Hortons.

I did feel like a tool though when I realized that there were no women in the gym. I am now going to admit something to you, something that has been eating away at me like a termite at a lumber yard……I am scared of the gym, only because I don’t want women looking at me and saying things about me in their head. HELLO, I know how dorky am I? Another thing is I’m not sure how to work some of the equipment. So I will only use the very few machines that I am positive I know how to run, so that I never look like a goof. I may work up the courage to go in…someday. I had my self prepared last night, until we got into the parking lot that is.

I think I’m going to stick to my yoga at home for the time being.

Excuse me...which way to the gym?

My lovely husband has decided to buy a gym membership. It really does make sense for him, since he plays squash on a semi-regular basis. I am worried though, because him and his two buddies that always go *don’t always go* they go through spurts, this month they will go two times a week, next month maybe once a week, and then the month after…no squash to be had.

Oscar is trying to talk me into getting a membership as well, I’m not so sure. I don’t enjoy going into a gym and having other people look at me while I am sweating it out and looking…not so lovely, lets leave it at that. I also believe that if I did get a membership and started into a routine of going, I might never stop. If I begin this whole going two times a week thing, I might just leave my hubby in the dust. He doesn’t feel like it today, sorr, so sad, I am driving to town to go with out you then. I don’t really know….five minutes ago I thought; maybe it is a good idea. Now…not so much, he says I don’t have to make up my mind by tonight. But the guys are going to the gym tonight, so I really think I should make up my mind. There is only one machine that I really like at the gym, and that is the elliptical thinger ma-jobby. Now when you go to the gym you’re not supposed to hog machines right? Well sorry, if I am in there for an hour, so sad you can’t have the damn thing.

What I like about the membership is that I can go hang in the hot tub when I am done sweating it out like a pig in the hot summer sun. But now I am going to have to buy a lock and a gym bag….I need a new sports bra, and another pair of pants, the outfit isn’t complete without a new top. I have to go to the city and hit Lululemon, only the best for going to the gym. I think once I am done getting all prepped for the gym I will have spent about $800. Oh and I totally have to fix my itunes, I need more work out music. Only the best I said, what baby wants baby gets….I mean I have to look good to go to the gym, especially if I’m going to flaunt my flabby bod. I hate the whole t-shirt and baggy sweats thing in the gym….on women, let me clarify that. Oh god! The music in the gym usually leaves something to be desired as well. The more I think about this the better it sounds.

Wanna know what the best part of this is? McDonalds and Tim Hortons are both on my way out of town. So really, I will barely work off the calories that I will be consuming on my way home. Even if it’s going to cost $100 to put a tank of gas in my jeep, I don’t really need to eat the rest of the week do I?

Whoop whoop, gym here I come!

School for the Gifted

Almost every day I feel that I work with someone that belongs in an institute for the gifted. Now I don’t mean any certain individual in particular, I’m just saying that everyone has their days. The few and far between days when I don’t notice any “special” people around me, I realize that today must be my day. No I don’t ACTUALLY mean today, but you know what I mean….when you have a whacked out, the lights are on but nobody’s home day.

Of course there are people I work with, or even people in my personal life that seem to have a lifetime pass to the “special” school. I am not going to name names, but I know some of you know some of the people I am talking about. Did I confuse you enough there? If not I have not completed my goal for the day.

Actually now that I think about it perhaps I do belong in the school for the gifted today. I have a few things on my “plate” (and why do they have that saying?), like planning my sister in laws baby shower (which is ripping my heart out, but I guess I am doing it). Then last night she called and asked me to sew all the bedding for the bassinet they got, apparently you cannot buy bedding for a bassinet anymore, so what do I do, I say YES…..I am not the type of person that can say no; even when she tells me about 5 times in the span of 5 minutes that I don’t have to if I don’t want to. I have to get on this project, I guess nothing will get done other than sewing this weekend; she could pop at any moment. Damn me, damn me, damn me. I am in the middle of trying to make a baby gift basket for the shower. On top of all this, I am already making a surprise blanket for the baby that we will take to them the day the little booger is born (and I am totally using that name in an endearing way, I call everyone I love/like dorky names). I SO need to clean my house, like gut it kind of clean; my house is always a freakin disaster! Someone help me! I don’t even know what is on my list, oh yes, my list.

So far today I think I am the only one headed into the special category.

My most likely unachievable list!

Ummm, remember before when I said I like lists? Well, I decided to start another one, here's a start to the list (though it will be updated along with what I'm doing to make it all come true):

1) I want a new fridge. I know I sound like a house wife (which there is no problem with! I am not one currently but would love to be.) But I want it, the one we currently have is an old Almond atrocity.

2) I want to go to Italy. I might need to hold a fundraiser, and this may get bumped down a ways, but damn it I want to go.

3) I want to write a children's book. About what you ask? I am not entirely sure yet.

4) I want to take some photography classes, No I will most likely never be a professional, but I dare to dream.

5) I've always wanted to own a pair of Chanel sunglasses. Ya, I know, its so material, but can you blame a girl?

6) I want to redecorate a lot of my house. That means color, and getting my husband to move some big furniture. I have some hugemungo plans for my kitchen......and bathroom, in time in time. I also want to go out with clutter, in with organization and necessities. That one will be hard, I live with a paper pack rat.

7) I want to make something amazing, I mean I'm a crafter, but I never feel I have made something amazing. I want to make money from what I make! Oh now that one is a wild dream.....

8) I want to volunteer, where I don't know yet....its kind of a scary thought but I want to do it.

And that my friends is the beginning of a somewhat scary, probably barely reachable list.

Can you help me?

My amazing practical joke skills have been requested by a coworker. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He may have asked partly because he wants to turn my attention away from playing pranks on him, and partly because he wants me to help him get the "other" people who enjoy doing things to him. Either way, I think it is an amazing chance to do some great handy work and have someone else to take the entire fall when the poopoo hits the fan.

I would like to take this time to regale you all with some of my best work.

I have to say one of my favorites is from last summer. Now a note before I begin this story, I live around a lot of men who are, shall we say "homophobic". I am not, I have friends and family who are gay, and I love them to pieces. My practical joke was only poking at this slight, redneck country boys phobia. I was surfing the net one day and I began reading some great jokes done by others, and one caught my attention immediately. It was a simple newsletter/sign up sheet for an odd company or group that was mailed out to an individual. Now of course when they get this letter in the mail they would be very confused and possibly embarrassed because it is something they would never have signed up for in their life!

I took this and ran with it, I ran far! I knew right away that I would be sending a "Thank you for volunteering to be a part of the gay parade in the city" type newsletter/sign up sheet to a few particular guys I know; firstly because I knew they would be so unbelievably embarrassed and slightly annoyed. I immediately went to work building a very real letter, I did quite a bit of research and work on this project, because I knew that in the end it was going to be wonderful. I sealed the letter and sign up sheets in nice envelopes with printed labels and address stickers. I had to let my husband in on the prank, because he was headed off to the city and I wanted these mailed from there, so that it looked very credible.

A week went by and the letters started to show up in the mail boxes. Some of the guys had to tell us all about the crazy mail they received, others didn't breathe a word. A few of them tried to point fingers, and some of them just whispered a few words. To this day no one knows where their letters came from, and I love it, love it, love it.

A few other small, but funny pranks I have pulled are around the office. It is always fun to have the girl at the front desk page someone for a phone call from a weekend fling. Or to change the keys around on some guys' keyboards when you know that they have to look down to type, it confuses the hell out of them. Tape down buttons on their phones, or slow down their mouse speed. Another good one is to put a piece of tape over the light on the optical type mouse, it will not do a thing, no matter how much you jiggle it, and push it around, the arrow sits on the very same spot on the screen. Another good one to do around the coffee machine - we have plastic cups that you double up when you have a cup of Jojo. I go through the pile and put tiny pin holes in the odd cup in the stack, it is funny as hell to watch someone freak out because their cup is leaking......come on, just grab another cup, quit running around and acting like a little school girl.

I could tell you more, but then I would have to kill you....cause I love to use these little gems over and over again. Feel free though to lend an idea from me, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.