Tuesday, January 29, 2008


Finally I feel like coming back to the world of writing stuff.

I have had fun lately with our sub-zero, snowy, blowy winter landscape. To start this week off our driveway was blown in, and when I say blown in I mean it. Not cute little snowdrifts that you can plough through with your vehicle. No no, these were monster drifts that any kid would be in heaven with. Carve that puppy out and wa-la, instant snow cave. I’m tellin ya, we couldn’t get out of our yard, so yay for me I got a snow day on Monday. Monday night we got a tractor to come down our drive way and carve a small path through the monsters. The big country tractor had a hard time making it though the wall of frozen wind blown white goodness. We could get through, but almost hit our mirrors on the “walls”.

Now temperature is another thing. Wow holy mother of god and the wee donkey; Along with this crazy wind came the cold northerly temperatures. So Monday when Mother Nature was doing her best to huff and puff and blow the houses down. The temperatures hit an amazing -54 Celsius, it was probably about -36 or so and then with the wind chill felt like -54…..they say; I think it felt more like -120. I was crazy, yes I was, I know you are thinking I am always crazy but in my little head on Monday I was actually certain that I was in all ways possible CRAZY. I suited up in all the winter gear and then some, meaning: long johns (for a girl are they called long janes?), jeans, sweater, toque, long thick socks, long fuzzy scarf, lined leather gloves, bib snow pants, big thick winter coat, big winter boots and…ok I think that was it. By time I was dressed up I was sweating like a stuck pig and couldn’t see anything. My toque was down to my eyebrows and my scarf was up to the bottom of my eyes. I felt like I was in a cocoon.

I ventured outside to walk, what maybe 100 yards to the opening of our driveway just to check out the ginormous drifts in the driveway, and then back up to the house. Tell ya what; a person ALWAYS forgets how cold those temperatures are every year until they drop by. The moment I stepped out the door I knew I made a mistake, my eyes froze open and I couldn’t catch my breath (more from the psycho wind that anything) but believe you me that freakin temperature was insane. By the time I got back to the house I couldn’t feel my cheeks. You bet your booty I had a huge steaming cup of coffee and baileys when I got in. I also looked out the window on occasion and thought; never again will I be so silly as to venture out there.

I sure did get up the next morning and venture out into the same temperatures minus the wind to go to work.

And to think I could have been in Costa Rica this week.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008


Sorry folks, I have not been in a great mood for a while. Things have been kinda crappy for me, so I haven’t had my “humour” in a while. When I am back up and at ‘er, watch out. I will have some good stories for ya!

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Its a.....

Wow, long time no read! It has been a looooong week, to start it off, on the 9th my lovely sister in law was taken to the city because her baby just couldn’t wait, oh yes; the little critter came out a full month early. So we were away for a few days, then hockey hockey hockey all weekend, which I enjoy, but I just wanted to be home doing a whole lot of nothing! Then the beginning of the week was wreaking havoc on my mental state. Babe had to go back into the hospital, at least the local one this time, but we were down there every night after work until late. Don’t get me started on work, no ok, to late I am on the topic now and I’m not gonna get off it!

I know that there are more than a few of us in the world who have morons for bosses. I think mine is the king of the castle however. I got a nice big lecture about my calling in late Thursday night to leave him a message that we were in the city with sister in law and the baby. Well I apparently should call him at midnight to discuss whether or not I am allowed to be up there still on Friday, it is not my decision…..oh sorry, sure I will ask then, and next time I will make sure it is good and late when he thinks I am going to call him at home, I’m going to make it something like 2:00 am. What the heck, if he were to tell me no, I know where I would be telling him to shove the phone. HELLO family emergency here buddy, it has never been an issue before if I called and left a message on his phone.

Then the next one was e-mail, I along with everyone else in the entire world that works in an office forward funny e-mail. In fact at this very moment I have 4 new ones sitting in my inbox from my co-workers. Apparently I am the only one in the entire universe that does this, and I am wasting company time doing it. So I guess one minute to read a joke and send it on is a huge time waster, I’m going to break the company (which I might add is no where near getting broke). You know what? He doesn’t care if everyone else in the company does it, he is changing me, I am only allowed to use my e-mail for company business. I am now hording all of my e-mails from co-workers and I am going to print a bulk pile of the suckers out and plop on his desk.

The best part about all of this is he is really no longer my boss, funny thing here folks, he passed me off to a different person for me to be under, and I have no idea if this other person is my boss yet or not. Ya I have no idea why I work here either, I am a loony toon I think. So he wrote me this big long letter about all the stuff I am in “trouble” for and forward it on to my new boss. Another funny thing, she forwards the odd e-mail out just like the rest of us. Oh except him. I’m not the only one here who thinks this individual is a wack job. I am just one of the lucky few who have to deal with it.

Anyone want to hire me? I swear I am really good at my job….

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

You can't make me!

I so wimped out on the gym thing last night; I am such a goober! I went with Oscar and his buddy to their squash night, and when we pulled up to the communiplex, I sure did ask Oscar what he wanted from Walmart…..cause I was not, under any circumstances going into the building.

I went to Wally World and spent some money, and then I went through Timmies drive through and got myself a nice big fattening baggle with cream cheese, along with a oh so yummy iced cap. I know your mouth is watering, cause mine is. I then headed back over to the gym, no not to work out, only to watch the boys run around the court, and to taunt them with my Tim Hortons.

I did feel like a tool though when I realized that there were no women in the gym. I am now going to admit something to you, something that has been eating away at me like a termite at a lumber yard……I am scared of the gym, only because I don’t want women looking at me and saying things about me in their head. HELLO, I know how dorky am I? Another thing is I’m not sure how to work some of the equipment. So I will only use the very few machines that I am positive I know how to run, so that I never look like a goof. I may work up the courage to go in…someday. I had my self prepared last night, until we got into the parking lot that is.

I think I’m going to stick to my yoga at home for the time being.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Excuse me...which way to the gym?

My lovely husband has decided to buy a gym membership. It really does make sense for him, since he plays squash on a semi-regular basis. I am worried though, because him and his two buddies that always go *don’t always go* they go through spurts, this month they will go two times a week, next month maybe once a week, and then the month after…no squash to be had.

Oscar is trying to talk me into getting a membership as well, I’m not so sure. I don’t enjoy going into a gym and having other people look at me while I am sweating it out and looking…not so lovely, lets leave it at that. I also believe that if I did get a membership and started into a routine of going, I might never stop. If I begin this whole going two times a week thing, I might just leave my hubby in the dust. He doesn’t feel like it today, sorr, so sad, I am driving to town to go with out you then. I don’t really know….five minutes ago I thought; maybe it is a good idea. Now…not so much, he says I don’t have to make up my mind by tonight. But the guys are going to the gym tonight, so I really think I should make up my mind. There is only one machine that I really like at the gym, and that is the elliptical thinger ma-jobby. Now when you go to the gym you’re not supposed to hog machines right? Well sorry, if I am in there for an hour, so sad you can’t have the damn thing.

What I like about the membership is that I can go hang in the hot tub when I am done sweating it out like a pig in the hot summer sun. But now I am going to have to buy a lock and a gym bag….I need a new sports bra, and another pair of pants, the outfit isn’t complete without a new top. I have to go to the city and hit Lululemon, only the best for going to the gym. I think once I am done getting all prepped for the gym I will have spent about $800. Oh and I totally have to fix my itunes, I need more work out music. Only the best I said, what baby wants baby gets….I mean I have to look good to go to the gym, especially if I’m going to flaunt my flabby bod. I hate the whole t-shirt and baggy sweats thing in the gym….on women, let me clarify that. Oh god! The music in the gym usually leaves something to be desired as well. The more I think about this the better it sounds.

Wanna know what the best part of this is? McDonalds and Tim Hortons are both on my way out of town. So really, I will barely work off the calories that I will be consuming on my way home. Even if it’s going to cost $100 to put a tank of gas in my jeep, I don’t really need to eat the rest of the week do I?
Whoop whoop, gym here I come!

Friday, January 4, 2008

School for the Gifted

Almost every day I feel that I work with someone that belongs in an institute for the gifted. Now I don’t mean any certain individual in particular, I’m just saying that everyone has their days. The few and far between days when I don’t notice any “special” people around me, I realize that today must be my day. No I don’t ACTUALLY mean today, but you know what I mean….when you have a whacked out, the lights are on but nobody’s home day.

Of course there are people I work with, or even people in my personal life that seem to have a lifetime pass to the “special” school. I am not going to name names, but I know some of you know some of the people I am talking about. Did I confuse you enough there? If not I have not completed my goal for the day.

Actually now that I think about it perhaps I do belong in the school for the gifted today. I have a few things on my “plate” (and why do they have that saying?), like planning my sister in laws baby shower (which is ripping my heart out, but I guess I am doing it). Then last night she called and asked me to sew all the bedding for the bassinet they got, apparently you cannot buy bedding for a bassinet anymore, so what do I do, I say YES…..I am not the type of person that can say no; even when she tells me about 5 times in the span of 5 minutes that I don’t have to if I don’t want to. I have to get on this project, I guess nothing will get done other than sewing this weekend; she could pop at any moment. Damn me, damn me, damn me. I am in the middle of trying to make a baby gift basket for the shower. On top of all this, I am already making a surprise blanket for the baby that we will take to them the day the little booger is born (and I am totally using that name in an endearing way, I call everyone I love/like dorky names). I SO need to clean my house, like gut it kind of clean; my house is always a freakin disaster! Someone help me! I don’t even know what is on my list, oh yes, my list.

So far today I think I am the only one headed into the special category.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

My most likely unachievable list!

Ummm, remember before when I said I like lists? Well, I decided to start another one, here's a start to the list (though it will be updated along with what I'm doing to make it all come true):

1) I want a new fridge. I know I sound like a house wife (which there is no problem with! I am not one currently but would love to be.) But I want it, the one we currently have is an old Almond atrocity.

2) I want to go to Italy. I might need to hold a fundraiser, and this may get bumped down a ways, but damn it I want to go.

3) I want to write a children's book. About what you ask? I am not entirely sure yet.

4) I want to take some photography classes, No I will most likely never be a professional, but I dare to dream.

5) I've always wanted to own a pair of Chanel sunglasses. Ya, I know, its so material, but can you blame a girl?

6) I want to redecorate a lot of my house. That means color, and getting my husband to move some big furniture. I have some hugemungo plans for my kitchen......and bathroom, in time in time. I also want to go out with clutter, in with organization and necessities. That one will be hard, I live with a paper pack rat.

7) I want to make something amazing, I mean I'm a crafter, but I never feel I have made something amazing. I want to make money from what I make! Oh now that one is a wild dream.....

8) I want to volunteer, where I don't know yet....its kind of a scary thought but I want to do it.

And that my friends is the beginning of a somewhat scary, probably barely reachable list.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Can you help me?

My amazing practical joke skills have been requested by a coworker. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He may have asked partly because he wants to turn my attention away from playing pranks on him, and partly because he wants me to help him get the "other" people who enjoy doing things to him. Either way, I think it is an amazing chance to do some great handy work and have someone else to take the entire fall when the poopoo hits the fan.

I would like to take this time to regale you all with some of my best work.

I have to say one of my favorites is from last summer. Now a note before I begin this story, I live around a lot of men who are, shall we say "homophobic". I am not, I have friends and family who are gay, and I love them to pieces. My practical joke was only poking at this slight, redneck country boys phobia. I was surfing the net one day and I began reading some great jokes done by others, and one caught my attention immediately. It was a simple newsletter/sign up sheet for an odd company or group that was mailed out to an individual. Now of course when they get this letter in the mail they would be very confused and possibly embarrassed because it is something they would never have signed up for in their life!

I took this and ran with it, I ran far! I knew right away that I would be sending a "Thank you for volunteering to be a part of the gay parade in the city" type newsletter/sign up sheet to a few particular guys I know; firstly because I knew they would be so unbelievably embarrassed and slightly annoyed. I immediately went to work building a very real letter, I did quite a bit of research and work on this project, because I knew that in the end it was going to be wonderful. I sealed the letter and sign up sheets in nice envelopes with printed labels and address stickers. I had to let my husband in on the prank, because he was headed off to the city and I wanted these mailed from there, so that it looked very credible.

A week went by and the letters started to show up in the mail boxes. Some of the guys had to tell us all about the crazy mail they received, others didn't breathe a word. A few of them tried to point fingers, and some of them just whispered a few words. To this day no one knows where their letters came from, and I love it, love it, love it.

A few other small, but funny pranks I have pulled are around the office. It is always fun to have the girl at the front desk page someone for a phone call from a weekend fling. Or to change the keys around on some guys' keyboards when you know that they have to look down to type, it confuses the hell out of them. Tape down buttons on their phones, or slow down their mouse speed. Another good one is to put a piece of tape over the light on the optical type mouse, it will not do a thing, no matter how much you jiggle it, and push it around, the arrow sits on the very same spot on the screen. Another good one to do around the coffee machine - we have plastic cups that you double up when you have a cup of Jojo. I go through the pile and put tiny pin holes in the odd cup in the stack, it is funny as hell to watch someone freak out because their cup is leaking......come on, just grab another cup, quit running around and acting like a little school girl.

I could tell you more, but then I would have to kill you....cause I love to use these little gems over and over again. Feel free though to lend an idea from me, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.