Halloween

My boss was away today, and made the mistake of leaving an entire box of mini chocolate bars on the counter as a Halloween treat. No I don’t work in a day care; some days I swear I do but I really don’t. Add a lovely box of Tim Hortons doughnuts to the mix and you have one sugar high kinda day.

Those of us that were in the office today really didn’t seem to get a lot done other than eat and giggle. I kid you not, for sure there were three of us, and we are not 18 year olds; I am in fact the youngest one in the office, but any given day (especially the days without the boss we are all about 18). Ok so we maybe got a little bit of work done today, but not very much. Actually at about 11:00 this morning I began counting down the minutes until the end of the day. It was rather interesting and no one could understand what I was doing, all I knew was that I had come up with an ingenious way to make the day go very slow and to annoy my co-workers.

Adults on a choco-sugar high are rather funny, it’s really a good ole fashion “fix”. Everyone giggles and rolls their eyes into the back of their head, well not everyone but I’m pretty sure the big T* did. Thank the heavens that we have a corporate version of messenger, this way co-workers can fool around without getting caught. I can type away (as I did today) to others in the office, and it actually looks like I am working away, toiling away, putting in a good honest days work. HAHAHA not!

I actually think that I am still on a sugar high, I only ate 3 chocolate bars and a muffin, but then we got a A&W treat as well (thanks to big T), so I think I now weigh in at 125 pounds (not good). The Arnold and Walter was pretty funny actually Topher* managed to pack ‘er away without making a single noise, not a word spoken. There were people in and out, visiting here and there. Topher didn’t lift his head, well maybe to grab a drink of his root beer.

Today being Halloween, I believe it is the annual day for me to anonymously go out and play some good old fashion tricks on the unsuspecting. One individual that crossed into my dark side this morning is getting it for sure. Now where did I put that whipped cream?

* Using aliases to hide the identity of my poor criminals.

Just go to sleep!

Why is it, on a night when you know you are tired, that you know you have to get up early the next morning; this is the night that your mind seems to think it is time to conjure up stupid ideas, and plans, and to think of stupid things that you really don’t care about? Or is this just me?

I wanted to go to sleep so badly last night, but of course I just had to watch a show while I lay in bed fighting my eyelids not to drop. When the show was over I decided it was time to close the peepers and catch some z’s. Right, not likely now; now I begin to think about what happened yesterday. What I don’t want to do today and what I want for the New Year. What the crap! I don’t care right now, I want to sleep damn it. I tell myself to shut up, I beg myself to shut up, I say “shhhh just sleep now”. I try to soothe myself like I am a baby. Nothing, nope, I just roll around, and move the blankets, I’m hot, ok no now three minutes later I’m cold; maybe without the pillow, nah I want the pillow.

Finally, sweet Jesus I somehow fell asleep. Just in time for Oscar to call me and tell me he was almost home from his hockey game (keep in mind it is now 12:30, I work tomorrow and I am the type that needs sleep). I hang up the phone and hover between kind of asleep and kind of awake; Oscar comes in, after the dogs have their bark and freak out because they heard a noise episode; after which I tried to ignore but hello! Oscar comes up to our room to let me know he’s home (I think I have a clue!). Then he goes down stairs to do some computer stuff and watch his coveted sports high lights. I thrash and toss, and then my mind begins to wander again, and I scream inside, all I want is a good deep sleep damn it! That is all that I ask!

Oscar finally comes to bed about an hour later, his routine is to turn our bedroom t.v. on and re-watch all of the amazing footage and news from the days sporting events as he falls asleep. I immediately threw my pillow over my head so that he got the hint that I wasn’t asleep yet. So he was a sweetie and shut the t.v. off and got into bed. He apologized for waking me up, which I said was ok, because most of the time I do just go back to sleep but apparently last night just wasn’t my night. He then promptly begins snoring, which of course makes me madder than ever, I am laying here wide awake, he hit the pillow and is out for the count; oh, and by the way he is off tomorrow. I finally hear our clock hit 2:00 am, and think to myself, oh goodie, it’s two and I am still awake.

I woke up this morning, after hitting snooze two times (and Oscar didn’t move either time the alarm went off). I made it through the day barely, not to mention I just generally felt like I was hit by a truck.

Product tester

So I read the news every morning when I get to work, this morning an article caught my attention. A) Because it sounded stupid and B) I wondered who would do this, and then I took that thought back.

So this particular article said that Durex condoms are looking for 1,000 people to test their products and get back to the company. Of course my first thought was something along the lines of a new kind and they wanted to make sure they worked, “oh oops, sorry babe, this guy ripped right in half!”

Then I got reading further down, they are actually going to interview interested individuals. Applicants will be asked a series of questions to make sure they are a good fit for this dream job," the company said in a statement. Which I guess makes sense because there is going to be a line up as far as the eye can see. We know men; they will jump at the opportunity to even think about getting lucky.

“Questions include, 'How often do you use condoms? And, 'Why do you want to be a Durex condom tester?'” Oh my, I would love to read the answers to these questions! Who wouldn’t, these guys are going to come up with the most creative answers just so they can be picked. All the company is going to do is mail a bunch of different items out of their product line up, and then guys get to play away and then log onto a Durex site and explain their likes and dislikes.
I honestly have to say that this is really one of the weirdest things I have heard of, you hear of companies doing this sort of thing, I guess it was only a matter of time before the world of “product testing” reached into these waters.

The article goes on to say and I quote “To get the job, the company is looking, in particular, for creative responses to the question about why they want to be a condom tester” I dont even want to tell you the answers I have come up with...at least for some of the guys I know.

I want to meet the dudes that came up with this idea. I can think of lots of other companies that should do this kind of marketing; I think it would be damned funny. Just think about it, “please use our hemorrhoid cream and then log into our system and tell us what was great about it and what your suggestions are!” or to send out like 3 different new flavours of toothpaste for people to try such as cyan flavoured for those who like a little spice, chocolate flavoured for the chocoholics and last but not least coffee flavoured toothpaste so you get your first shot of coffee first thing in the morning and right before you go to bed.

My killer project

I love to paint, by this I mean, the walls in my house or other peoples houses; I think this comes from my love for interior design. People in the area hear that I went to school for interior design and they make the phone call to ask for my help. Yesterday I got to go help a local woman choose colors for her place, the major problem she was having is that she has the nice 80’s burgundy/orange/brown carpet. That was fun, she wants to get rid of the carpet but she can’t quite yet. Instead of getting paid, I get a free massage; no she isn’t just a strange woman wanting to do a massage in place of money. She is a masseuse, and a good one, so I am pumped free massage! Yah! The next paint adventure that is ongoing for me is the whole “paint those ugly peach vertical blinds”. That is the project that I decided to start a few weeks ago; well this is the piddlyest paint job that has ever existed. I have something like 43 pieces to paint and I have to do two coats per side. I am doing this project out in our garage, so I have a paint sheet down and lay out about eight of these panel things down at a time and paint away. Not to mention that I work outside of the house for a living, so at the end of the day I get to park my jeep outside the garage, go in change and go paint for an hour or so; ya it is exactly what I want to do every day after work. Not. Now I am not a messy painter, I hardly ever make a mess I don’t have rags laying around me; my clothes don’t really get dirty. I get a drip or a spot I shouldn’t have, I simply wipe with my finger and wipe it on my pants; that is the extent of my mess. Well this dorky project I have started (and I believe I have gone crazy because of it), well it is a somewhat messy job. Last night for example was a really good one, I somehow managed to get paint all over the bottoms of my feet; no please don’t ask me how, I haven’t even figured it out yet. Then there is the business of my hands, I had white hands, just think albino. It was rather funny, but I don’t like being covered in paint, I suppose if I had continued working any longer I would have had paint in my hair and on my face, thank God I am using water base paint. I am looking for someone, anyone….anything that wants to come out and paint about 25 more panels for me. I don’t think Oscar would think its cool or funny of I leave just a few white panels hanging from the rod and chucked the rest out the door; which I am getting very close to doing. I paint for about an hour an evening, and then clean the mess; I am sitting very close to the edge, very very close.

Request hour

I was sitting at my desk today minding my own business listening to the radio. It was the call in request hour or whatever the station does; some idiot called in and wanted to listen to one of the worst songs in the world that is played over and over on Halloween, the Monster Mash. I would rather pull my hair out one strand at a time then listen to this song, I can’t stand it, and I honestly steer far away from the radio on October 31st. Today’s post doesn’t have a whole lot to do with me; it does have a lot to do with the people that live in my area and the local radio stations. We happen to have a Hutterite colony near our town, they love to call into the radio request hours and choose songs, and chat away with the DJ. First of all, no one can really understand them and second of all, I cannot get over some of the songs they request. If you don’t know what a Hutterite is here is a quick little explanation; they live on their own colony. They go to town in whatever vehicle the colony owns; the higher up men can have a cell phone. They speak German, and they have to make their own clothes and the women wear dresses and were a black bonnet/bun cover thing on their head. The men wear black pants, suspenders and collared shirts. They make a bit of money by selling pies, chickens etc to the outside community. The colonies that have more money have more things, such as a nicer vehicle, power, televisions etc. The colony near our town is one of the poorer ones. Just today right after the Monster Mash was on, a lovely Hutterite gentleman called in and requested Weak in the Knees – Serena Ryder for one of the other guys because this other guy is frustrated today. So I am assuming that his love interest isn’t so interested, maybe she is in love with his brother, who really knows. What I do know is that I laughed and laughed, you don’t understand how often they call in to request songs or just to talk, they love the idea of being on the radio, and it’s like their five minutes of fame. I never actually pay attention to any of it; well mostly because I have my own tunes on, but today I just decided to do the radio thing, I am quite happy I did. A while back when I listened to the radio one of the Hutterite men called in and requested Madonna; I really actually wonder how they know so much music, they obviously listen to the radio all the time, but come on 80’s Madonna tunes?

The perfect Costume?

The Halloween party at the local watering hole will be held next weekend, most of the people that attend enjoy dressing up for the evening; to pretend they are someone or something else, and to have some wobbly pops and run around like they are 10, and I am hoping that 10 year olds don’t drink wobbly pops, just pops.

Oscar and I haven’t been to the party the last few years, we are however thinking about going this year. We have never dressed up for the event either, and for some reason my lovely husband is all over the idea of putting on a costume this year. He has never wanted to do this before, so I am kind of wondering what he is thinking, maybe there is an ulterior motive going on here; I’m just not really sure what it is. Perhaps he has decided to finally let that long time forgotten fantasy to dress up as a butterfly again like he did when he was little out of the bag. Don’t get me wrong, I would gladly help him dress up into any costume he chooses, if it is a weirdly girly costume like this butterfly thing from his past; which he would kill me for mentioning on here, but it’s too late now. I will have to find a manly, boyish costume for myself, not that I want to but something has to be done to balance out the girlyness.

If I am going to dress up, which I haven’t even decided on yet, I was thinking about something funny, perhaps a pregnant nun, or a headless person, or the grim reaper. I know the grim reaper isn’t all that original, but I am grabbing at straws here; and if I want to decide on my costume I need a little time to build the costume. The headless outfit is one I did when I was younger, so I would have to get on it, and make a paper Mache head and built the shirt. I think it would be sweet, then no one would know who you are; that is my favourite part, when people try to figure you out.

Friends of mine went as blow up dolls last year or the year before, I wasn’t there to see it, but my gosh were the outfits creepy when I saw pictures, imagine it if you will, rubber suits with a blow up valve at the belly button, and a mask thing with no facial expression and a ummm well open mouth shall we say. Yep pretty darn weird if you ask me.
Who comes up with some of the costumes you can buy? Seriously, I have been looking around, and geesh there is everything from being a chick magnet, to a body bag, really. If you Google Halloween costumes you should see all the junk that comes up, there are some really good ones among the muck though.

Here comes Halloween, my favourite time of year!!! Bwahahahahaha

Butt Massage

So, we worked outside in our back yard on Saturday, yes I know you are thinking “so what? Everyone works in their yard.” Well ya you are right, but our back yard is a disaster and I’m going to tell you why.

I was a brianiac and informed my husband that we were going to rip these bushes out in our back yard. That’s all fine and dandy to begin with, this project was spear headed in May, I believe, and we have now reached mid October so that puts us at a good six months. This project should have only really taken about a month or so all total, but no we had to stretch this baby out until next year at the earliest.

We tried to rip these ginourmous bushes out with our little tractor, yes people there are different sizes of tractors, get with the program here. Our poor little guy just couldn’t stand up to the massive bush I was determined to get rid of, so we borrowed the tractor that Oscar recently broke. We were successful in the removal, and by removal I mean tearing these ill-fated bushes out by the roots.

We then neatly piled and stacked these bushes around the back yard in piles of all sorts of shapes and sizes; the next job on the list was to remove the bushes and Rota-till the said area. Well, we don’t look out into our back yard that much so the mess just got worse, grass grew high around our tree piles and lawn chairs also disappeared into the jungle, as well as our hot tub that we don’t use in the summer, you honestly could not see it, we weren’t even sure if it was still there.

We had a beautiful weekend come up so we decided that now, right now, not three months ago when the weather was spectacular and the days longer; no, now was the time to try to deal with this chaos before the snow came and if the snow came now we would be really screwed. Oscar warmed up the little tractor, because it can handle the hauling of these exquisite tree branches and such. We both got to load piles and piles of branches and garbage into the bucket of our tractor, and take breaks to sip our warm coffee (doesn’t this sound like a romantic weekend project, yup that’s what I though). Some of the items we found out back were things we have never seen and they somehow made it into our back 40 from who knows where.

I then had to clip grass from around our hot tub, and I discovered that we actually have a sidewalk around the hot tub, I had almost forgotten about it with the jumble that we created back there. I then moved onto trying to rip some of the roots that are still in the ground from the gargantuan bushes, I really didn’t have much luck, those babies are miles into the ground, well maybe not but it feels that way anyhow. No I didn’t have one of those blooper moments when the person pulls and pulls so hard that they then either poops their pants or go flying backwards into an awkward position at which time they poop their pants; no I wasn’t that lucky.

We are still not done back there; there are still two more piles to move, and the Rota-tilling to do. I’m not sure if we are going to get ‘er done before the snow flies, and I don’t know if my back, and legs, and arms, and buttocks can handle the burden. My body is so sore, no no; I don’t think you understand my pain. Today at work I could not sit to long, or stand to long, or walk around to much or anything else for that matter, I have pain in my left butt cheek and down my leg, I believe it is from the tug of war I was playing with those root thinger-ma-jiggers. I just want to lie in the hot bath tub, sleep in the hot bath tub, and perhaps have a lovely bum massage. Anyone up to the challenge?

Shake that body

Has anyone ever played a Wii? Holy crap is it hilarious, I mean to play at first you feel like an idiot; but after that you get really competitive. Now to sit back and watch others play is really actually hilarious beyond control!

We were at my parent’s house, and they just happen to have a Wii. Oscar and Dad decided to do a little boxing; those two were out of breath and sweating after a few rounds. Oh and be careful, you don’t want to sit anywhere in the vicinity of where they are jumping around; you just might get a knuckle sandwich yourself. You want to steer very clear of the erratic body movements. I actually think on the disk that comes with the machine, the best game to watch others play is the boxing.

Of course I have not been crazy enough to try and play this game, I have done the golfing and the bowling; those ones are fun, at least you don’t look totally stupid out there. What does get me is the graphics on these games. When you play baseball, the other players on the field have no legs, not to mention that your own players have no arms just some little circles.

When we left my Mom and Dads house the other night Oscar did manage to drive us all the way home, but by time we got home he dropped into bed and slept like a baby. I told everyone that the next time we go play Wii I will be bringing our video camera over to tape everyone playing. I mean who doesn’t want to see themselves looking like an idiot on tv? I’m pretty sure I would love to laugh at myself!

Oscar is itching to go boxing again, oh its gonna be funny, I will take pictures of it, and post for all to see!

Are we insane?

So my husband has decided that we will be going to Mexico in May; Yes, May. He is not crazy just so everyone knows, ok that is a lie. He is somewhat crazy, but not about this whole trip business. I wasn’t sure we should go; I mean it is May for heavens sake! I figured though after 5 minutes of thinking really really hard that who doesn’t want to go to Mexico or anywhere nice for that matter, especially when it’s kinda chilly but getting nice here at home? By time we get home it will be shorts weather, so really it will be a nice transition. That and if Oscars sister and husband can haul their 3 month old down there then I guess we can haul ourselves down there, no matter what our future holds.

So the whole reason we are all heading down to Mexico (hotter than we can imagine hell would be like for the month of May), is because Oscars cousin that moved to Mexico just over a year ago is going to get married down there. No she didn’t meet her man down there; he moved down with her, he is a Canuck as well. So they are getting married around the time that is convenient for them, a little weird time for the rest of us.

So I guess it is time to book holidays for the spring of 2008, I feel weird doing that. I feel like I should be booking time off in the dead of winter, to get away from the -30 C to the lovely hot weather of the south.

So are we partly insane....I think so.

I am a wimp

Ok, I am going to tell the world that I hate going to the doctor, I know that I am not alone on this, which is why they have even come up with “white coat syndrome”. I may in fact fit under this umbrella; no I’m actually pretty sure I do.

When I get my “It’s time for a check up” postcards in the mail, I stick it into my day planner and I keep moving it back a few days whenever I finally reach it. It can take me weeks to book things. Dentist is not so bad, I actually enjoy a good cleaning, but I still put that off for a good two to three weeks. Optometrist I can put off for months, I actually have succeeded in pushing it off for three or four months, I don’t actually even remember when the card came in the mail. I wear contacts, so I eventually can’t keep running; they won’t fill my prescription unless I come in for my yearly check up. I just worked up the courage to make that call today. I had the old butterflies and turning stomach while I waited for someone to pick up the phone, so yes it is ok, you can call me a big baby I can handle it.

The worst for me is the regular old doctor, I will hold off going forever if I could. Even though I am pretty comfortable with my doctor, I really like her, I still hate going. I make Oscar book those appointments for me, because if he didn’t I never would; is that not hilarious or what? I have to go for a follow up appointment with a different doctor, that I don’t know and I have been putting that off too. So I finally gave in and asked Oscar to make the call. I know in my head that this is really all foolish; I mean really, I have been in the hospital three times in the past year, not to mention specialist appointments, tests, and a lot of blood work. I didn’t book any of the appointments and tests I had, thank goodness, because I just wouldn’t have done it.
I don’t recall ever having a traumatic moment in the doctor’s office, no crazy lunatic telling me that I had a third arm growing out of my back (which I don’t by the way); there is just the regular poking and prodding as if you were the Pillsbury dough boy. I guess sometimes at the dentist, needles and stuff hurt; I go all tense and straight as a board for the entire show. At the eye doctor maybe I am a little scared that my eyes are worse and he’s gonna make me wear my glasses (when hell freezes over buddy); my optometrist is actually pretty funny, you must have a joke to tell him when you go in, and he will tell you one, who doesn’t like that? As for the doctor, I am not a touchy person, and I really don’t want someone I barely know touching me, or to be telling them about my weird things, you know like the big hairy mole on the back of my leg, or my third nipple; which I don’t have either of, don’t worry.

Who really wants to be a doctor in all honesty, who enjoys touching sick people? Who enjoys touching a strangers bajonggas and vajaja, or up other places, eh-hemm. Who wants to look in someone else’s icky slobber filled mouth? Yuck

Duke it Out

Last night on the slow moving trip with the before mentioned farm machinery, Oscar and I actually had some pleasant conversation (I guess I must have been in a chatty mood). Just as we pulled out onto the highway a truck passed us; I said “is that….?” And Oscar replied “yep”, and then I said “I can’t remember his first name.” Oscar really must not have been listening to me because he just nonchalantly said “ya”.

Once we got home from the great trip, which included my husband taking me out for an amazing meal at McDonalds, I was getting ready to go to bed, and I called down the stairs to Oscar and told him that I remembered the guy’s name. Oscar got all confused and said he didn’t remember what I was talking about, that person never passed us on the road, blaa blaa blaa. He then figures that I was so wrong, and crazy, maybe that my cheese had slid off my cracker even. He decided that I must have gotten today mixed up with three days ago. You know what; I may sometimes be a little wacko, but not today. Honestly how does someone get three hours ago mixed up with thee days ago?

Three days ago I went to town with my Dad to pick up a few things for Mom for Thanksgiving, so Oscar decides to call Dad, just to prove a point, he figured that Dad and I talked about this individual on Saturday. So my Dad is really the crazy one of the family and he was pretty sure that we did in fact talk about this person of interest on Saturday. By the way Dad, we did not talk about him, maybe we talked about his daughter, but I highly doubt that too.

Oscar comes screaming into the bathroom pumping his arms in the air like he has just won some sort of competition, which he has not, and by the way there was no competition. He goes on and on about how I got my lines crossed and how I mixed today up with Saturday. He is so excited that I was wrong and he wasn’t, so I got really mad and told him exactly where this conversation of ours (Oscars and mine) occurred, and exactly what happened and the color of the truck etc. He is still so confident that I had no idea what I was talking about that I kept getting more and more upset. All of a sudden he blurts out “That isn’t Dons truck, he drives a whatever colour Chevy not a white Dodge, that truck is Philbert Physter from Tuktyuktuks truck”. So there it is; I thought that this truck was someone else’s and it started this huge heated argument. He still however walked around the house all smug thinking that I am so wrong and he is so right. I guess that is what women have to deal with, knowing in our minds that we are always right, and men, well they just think they are right.

Wouldn’t you have loved to be a fly on the wall for that one? A hugeo mungo, full blown, all out fight over someone’s truck, and a discussion that apparently my husband was not really part of and I thought he was, along with his confirmation from my foolish Dad that we did in fact (which we did not) talk about Don on the weekend. I had a headache by time I went to bed, and this morning I am killing myself laughing over the entire thing.

disking anyone?

We live on a farm, but we don’t actually farm. We rent out the land to our neighbor who farms the land; still with me? Two winters ago we had a crap load of trees pushed because they were dead, let me emphasize that there were a lot of them. I know, tree huggers are mad, but this will help feed the worlds population in the long run I promise, that and I don’t know if you were listening but the trees were dead, D-E-A-D. Which means they were doing nothing, just kindling standing in bunches out in the field. The trees were ripped out, and piled neatly; we then lit them on fire, which if you have never seen a brush fire, is an amazing, huge unimaginable pile of fire, scary even. After the fires were out and there were only smoldering ashes left, we buried them. It sat like this for a year, or now almost two years I guess. Are you bored yet?

Now, we have decided to break up this land by disking it. This is where the story gets good, well it’s really actually boring. We are not farmers remember, so we had to borrow Oscar’s parents’ tractor, and rent this behemoth contraption called a disker. Next we have to haul it down the highway, which is an adventure in itself. Now no one knows the actual truth about Oscar; I am married to the worlds biggest worrier, no jokes I am totally serious. We have to haul this thing down the highway, at about 50 km an hour; this thing is bigger than our side of the highway. Oscar talked for the entire trip home, which was over an hour my friends. I am not a chatty person, and incestuous talking drives me up the wall, and I was lucky enough to marry a very talkative individual. Add that to the fact that he is a worry wart along with a huge piece of farm machinery, and the highway. You have yourself a very fun trip, I am not lying. Ok yes I am lying, big time.

By the time we got home I ran, as fast as I could up to the house, I locked the doors and hid. Thank goodness he had to stay outside and hook this thing up to the tractor and go for a few rounds with his dad in the field; it was heaven, complete silence. Oscar’s dad was great, he would drive that thing all day, and then Oscar would get home from work and go out in the tractor. My dear husband does not like to work alone, he must have someone with him at all times, I think it is partly to prove he is actually working, the other part is because he needs someone to talk to 24 hours a day. He kept begging me to come out and ride with him for a “little bit”. I finally got tired of his begging, and because I love him, I decided to walk out to the field two nights in a row to ride with him. Around and around and around the field, breaking up dirt; not to mention that I had to walk through quite a bit of this fresh broken dirt to get to him, which of course filled my shoes with lovely black soil. I would like to now tell you that I would rather walk through a plain old stubble field any day than fresh dirt; I never thought I would say that. We would stay out there until about 10:00 or so and then Oscars dad would come out and go most of the night; then repeat, I believe we did this for three or four days/nights.

Now I am so very lucky again, I get to go with my charming husband this evening to return this gigantic thing to its owner. This is partly because we, (and by this I mean Oscar I just happened to be in the tractor at the time); broke the tractor last night, yep it was a lot of fun, only because we got to walk all the way across the field to where I parked my jeep. It was pitch black, we had a crappy flashlight, and we live where there are coyotes and the like. I got to fill my shoes with dirt again for the third time this weekend; you don’t know how bad I wanted a hot bath.

Isn’t it great what we will do for those we love? Now I need to think of something I can make Oscar do for me, oh I have just the thing. I am going to dare him not to talk for our whole drive tonight, I know he can’t do it, it is his mission impossible.

A few ideas...

I recently receive one of those lovely forwarded e-mails that jam pack my work e-mail on a daily basis, and this one in particular caught my attention; it is new rules for the year. I thought the list was quite funny, and it has peaked my interests. I now think it is time to write my own list, only I we should wait until January to implement it, given that it is already October. 1. If you are going to try to be a sneak and eat chocolate when no one is looking, the best place to do this is in your vehicle. Don’t forget to dispose of the evidence before you get home, or at least before anyone gets into your vehicle and sees the Mount Everest of discarded Hershey and Twix wrappers on the passenger floor. 2. If you want to have a relaxing bath or simply an escape from the people in your house by retreating to the bathroom, lock the door! Then the only way that they can try to get your attention is my knocking incessantly on the door. This is easily avoided if you have an ipod or other noise maker to drown out the sound. 3. If you have files on your computer you do not want your husband or anyone else to read, simply make a file on the desktop and name it something like “household chores” or “monthly female issues”. No one will touch it; no one will want to even come close to it. 4. When someone asks you a stupid question, don’t just let them get away with it by smiling and thinking all the good things you would say in your head. Answer them with an equally dumb remark or something that has nothing to do with their question. You will then walk away leaving them hopelessly lost and perplexed. 5. Find a very unusual saying that you can use on a daily basis to the people around you. For example when someone asks you how you are you reply with “Fine as frogs fur” or when your kids tell you they are bored or someone at work asks you what you want them to do tell them to “Pick fly shiznit out of pepper with a boxing glove” or even better yet, I think I will be using this one; “Today I’m slower than a turtle running through peanut butter”. 6. Since people are making registries for everything now days, I propose that you should go out and register at a really awkward store; title it something like “My completion of hair removal”. Next mail out the registries cards that everyone loves to get, sit back and wait for the phone calls. 7. When people you hardly know ask you personal questions, don’t give them an answer, instead ask them a personal question. I bet they will never bug you again. My rules to follow for 2008, let me see your list.

Gobble Gobble

Long weekend! Well for Canadians anyway, it is Thanksgiving this weekend, which means for us, we have to plan around two meals. Both of our families are here, which is great, most of the time. For the holidays, it’s something completely different. Our families are actually pretty good; they ask us when the other side is having their meal, so we are the go between. In theory it sounds excellent, but in reality, it is a head spinning experience. We get to do this every Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter, not to mention that birthdays usually fit into this category also. I have begun to lose all interest in the holidays, partly because we plan who has what meal and when and how we will make it to both, then we run all day, trying to make sure we don’t spend more time with your family or mine, because that becomes a source of tension later. It is even worse when Oscar has to work on the holidays, so both meals have to be somewhat later in the day.

What I would honestly like, is for me to lie around the house, and to have both meals delivered to me. No mess no worry, no planning, oh in a perfect world right? The next problem is with Christmas in particular, because both of our families celebrate it on Christmas Day, so it is extra stressful. Open presents at that house, go to the next one and do gifts there, home to change most of the time and then to one or the other for dinner, then back to that one for supper. Not only that, but Oscar doesn’t understand the idea of moderation when it comes to a big turkey dinner; He will eat a heaping plate of food at one place, and don’t forget dessert! Then we will head off to the next house where he will eat another heaping plate of food, with dessert. Once he is done eating no one should walk within a 5’ radius of him, he will groan and complain that he thinks he will blow up. Come on, we have been together for over six years, you would think he would learn his lesson by now, nope; and to make this even worse, the dork somehow manages to lose weight after all of this. If anyone else in the world was to eat that way they would gain a good ten pounds, not him.

For his family, they only have all of the holidays with his Moms side, so things are fairly relaxed and nice. Same with my side, the holidays are celebrated with my Mom’s side so things are nice and relaxed…for everyone else that is.

Have a great gobble gobble weekend fellow Canadians, to the Americans…you will have turkey soon enough.

Caution!

Caution! When you know that you have a very hot liquid in your hand, which is meant to be drunk, let the blasted thing cool down first. I had a fantastic hot chocolate on Sunday evening before we headed to the movie. The movie by the way was The Kingdom and it was a very good movie, I want to go again.

OK back to my story, Oscar was a goober and ordered an extra large; I was somewhat smart and ordered a medium. We got these drinks #1, because they are yummy #2 because we were early to town for the movie. So we get these very hot drinks and have to drink them fairly quickly because you can’t take them into the movie. Oscar somehow drank his without burning his mouth, so apparently he has a tongue made of heat proof something or other. That or his hot chocolate was lukewarm, which I highly doubt. I on the other hand am a normal human being, and I was trying to drink my hot chocolate as fast as I could, keep in mind that mine is half the size of his. Oh yes you guessed it right, I burned the crap out of my tongue. At first it only felt numb, the next day a bit sore, and now today, it hurts to talk, it hurts to eat, it just friggin well hurts. So a word of the wise from someone who has experienced this horrific tragedy let it cool down first.

That is all I have for you today.

I must make a confession

I am a music fiend, I must have music on during all of my waking hours, at work it’s the radio, or else I hook up my ipod which is my best friend in the whole world. On the way home from work it is something from my masive CD collection, or my beloved ipod. At home I either have itunes blaring or the music channels on the TV. If Oscar is home doing his thing (watching TV) I wear my ipod around the house, he of course gets mad at me because he’s yelling at me to come talk to him, and I can’t hear him. Which I have to admit is very nice, I love not being able to hear the outside world, nothing but my songs and my inner voice belting out the tunes (ok, yes I do belt the song out….out loud that is).

If you were to see my play list you might think I was one of those people with multiple personalities. I pretty much have any kind of music you can think of. When I find a new song that I absolutely love, I play it over, and over, and over. My Dad used to freak out, “cant you play any other song?”, so now that I can play my music over and over and not bother any one I play my one tune until I have all of the words memorized and I can sing the song without actually playing it. Yep you can call me a weirdo, I know it. All of the songs that I have ever been in love with, you can bet that I know all of the words.

Right now I am having a love affair with three songs in particular. These songs are; Before He Cheats – Carrie Underwood, Stupid Boy – Keith Urban and Big Girls Don’t Cry – Fergie. So at this very moment I am playing all three of these songs in any order, at least a dozen times throughout the day. I will interject this with the odd other song, but then I get an overwhelming craving for one of these songs. Once the love affair is over, they will move into the general play list and then there will be others, others that I will fall for. For example the last song that I was in love with was Weak In the Knees – Serena Ryder, it has moved into the general play list, but I still play it a little more often than other songs. Today I was playing the odd song in between and I was letting the ipod make the decisions, it pleasantly surprised me with an old favorite from way back when I was about 6. When You Were Mine - Cyndi Lauper, it was sweet.

Some people might wonder where I got this music obsession from. Well I grew up in a house where music was always on, always. In fact when I was just a little girl, a very cute sweet little girl with pigtails Dad taught me how to rock out on the air guitar. I am pretty sure I can kick anyone’s butt in an air guitar competition. I almost entered myself in the world air guitar competition (yes there really is one). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_guitar

I would go to any concert you ask me to go to, let me repeat that ANY. I have been to concerts from Aerosmith, Greenday, Shania Twain....the list goes on. There is however one band that I must must must see, I absolutely have to see U2. I will sell my husband to go see them, I would buy him back when I get back, I promise; but I want to see them so bad.

If we having a money tight month, where I either have the choice of buying the essentials like milk and bread, I would rather download songs. I am so not lying, Oscar comes home from work on weekends, and hears me playing a new song and he says “you downloaded another song?” Maybe I need help, I don’t know, but maybe this is my bad habit. Other people smoke or gamble, I down load music.

I have no musical talent of my own; I cannot play a musical instrument, even if my life depended on it. Oh that is a lie, I can play Mary had a little lamb on the piano, that is the total extent of my musical talent. I don’t even have a singing voice, well I think I have an amazing singing voice, but others don’t seem to agree. Oscar loves to ask me “Who sings this song?” I always tell him I do, because if you fall for the question and tell him the actual singer or band, he will tell you “well why don’t you let them sing it”. Oh I am so much smarter than falling for that babe.

Play by play

My weekend was great, yes I had a blissful four day weekend. On Friday the only thing I got accomplished was cleaning the outsides of all the windows on my house, and I have quite a few, lets count them shall we…..18 windows. I just counted it in my head, so I may have missed a window. Oh and while I did this Oscar watched TV, I wanted him to come out and help me clean up our war zone of a backyard, we are doing some landscaping, i.e. ripping out stupid caragana bushes. It was a beautiful day for this kind of stuff. It never happened, so I moved into the house and decided I would look for some paint to do our horrendously ugly vertical shades in the living room, because my husband is so very cheap and has not let me buy new ones for the past 5 years I think it is. He says there is nothing wrong with the ones we have, oh yes there is buddy, they are peach and horrible and to make matters worse they are also faded. So I have taken matters into my own hands, I am going to paint them white.

So Saturday morning I went into the basement to find some white paint, I knew we had some, alas not enough to paint our blinds. I did however find a can of green paint called “dried basil” that I had no idea we had. So I took it upstairs and announced that I would be painting our kitchen that afternoon. He took it pretty well actually; he’s not one for change. I figure he took it so well because I didn’t actually go out and buy the stuff. He has a favorite wall in the kitchen though, that I absolutely hate. He was very sad to see the wall go; I had to do a “finish” on the wall because the drywall is bad underneath so I have to cover that. I remembered all of our painting goodies were over at his sisters’ place because we painted their house for them way back in May. I decided that I should go to town with her anyway to buy fabric for all of the baby room stuff she wants me to make, so I got her to bring everything over to me before we left.

So off we go to buy fabric, and some white paint. Rachel had no idea that we would be in the fabric store for three hours picking out fabric, and then finding the pattern she liked. After that we went to Quiznos for supper, but we decided to keep it a secret, as Oscar would be really mad at me if he found out we went there and he didn’t get anything. When I got home Oscar asked if I ate already, so I of course said I did, he guessed McDonalds (good guess really Rach and I both love McNuggets) so I just agreed with him that yep that is where we went. Whoo passed that one right by alright!

I didn’t get home until 8:00 but that didn’t stop me from getting the kitchen all set and paint two coats before I went to bed. I had the kitchen all painted and cleaned up by about 3:00 on Sunday afternoon; I know I’m a speed demon hey?

Off I went down to the dark messy basement where we store all of our junk, to the space that is called my sewing room. Ya I’m a sewing, crafting, all that kinda stuff junky. That is why Rachel wanted me make all the stuff for her baby room. So I cleaned up the room, because it was a disaster area, and got myself to work. I seriously disappeared from Sunday afternoon until bed time and them all day yesterday until last night when I emerged from the dungeon; I think I seriously need help. I don’t stop myself until I am either exhausted and sore, or else the project is done, whatever comes first. So Oscar figured I had disappeared for real, he actually came down to check on me to make sure I was still actually in the house and alive. So my project consists of a blanket, bumper pad, bed skirt, and curtains. Needless to say I am completely done the blanket, and almost done the bumper. Everything else is cut out and ready to be sewn together. Ya, I told her I wanted to get all the stuff now so that I had a few months to work on it. I really should have known better, I know myself all to well, that stuff is going to be done in two weeks, and that is being generous. It eats away at me knowing that I have that fabric just sitting downstairs waiting for me. I really think that I need to seek some professional help.

So it is Tuesday, and I have to go home and do all of the household things that I neglected all weekend. Not to mention tidy up around Oscar, because he is a man and forgets that the dishes do not walk up to the kitchen themselves and that things do not wipe themselves, and that the laundry doesn’t amazingly clean itself and fold itself and put itself away. Joking here, sort of he is pretty god at this stuff, but he has his days.