Ok, I am going to tell the world that I hate going to the doctor, I know that I am not alone on this, which is why they have even come up with “white coat syndrome”. I may in fact fit under this umbrella; no I’m actually pretty sure I do.
When I get my “It’s time for a check up” postcards in the mail, I stick it into my day planner and I keep moving it back a few days whenever I finally reach it. It can take me weeks to book things. Dentist is not so bad, I actually enjoy a good cleaning, but I still put that off for a good two to three weeks. Optometrist I can put off for months, I actually have succeeded in pushing it off for three or four months, I don’t actually even remember when the card came in the mail. I wear contacts, so I eventually can’t keep running; they won’t fill my prescription unless I come in for my yearly check up. I just worked up the courage to make that call today. I had the old butterflies and turning stomach while I waited for someone to pick up the phone, so yes it is ok, you can call me a big baby I can handle it.
The worst for me is the regular old doctor, I will hold off going forever if I could. Even though I am pretty comfortable with my doctor, I really like her, I still hate going. I make Oscar book those appointments for me, because if he didn’t I never would; is that not hilarious or what? I have to go for a follow up appointment with a different doctor, that I don’t know and I have been putting that off too. So I finally gave in and asked Oscar to make the call. I know in my head that this is really all foolish; I mean really, I have been in the hospital three times in the past year, not to mention specialist appointments, tests, and a lot of blood work. I didn’t book any of the appointments and tests I had, thank goodness, because I just wouldn’t have done it.
I don’t recall ever having a traumatic moment in the doctor’s office, no crazy lunatic telling me that I had a third arm growing out of my back (which I don’t by the way); there is just the regular poking and prodding as if you were the Pillsbury dough boy. I guess sometimes at the dentist, needles and stuff hurt; I go all tense and straight as a board for the entire show. At the eye doctor maybe I am a little scared that my eyes are worse and he’s gonna make me wear my glasses (when hell freezes over buddy); my optometrist is actually pretty funny, you must have a joke to tell him when you go in, and he will tell you one, who doesn’t like that? As for the doctor, I am not a touchy person, and I really don’t want someone I barely know touching me, or to be telling them about my weird things, you know like the big hairy mole on the back of my leg, or my third nipple; which I don’t have either of, don’t worry.
Who really wants to be a doctor in all honesty, who enjoys touching sick people? Who enjoys touching a strangers bajonggas and vajaja, or up other places, eh-hemm. Who wants to look in someone else’s icky slobber filled mouth? Yuck