Halloween

My boss was away today, and made the mistake of leaving an entire box of mini chocolate bars on the counter as a Halloween treat. No I don’t work in a day care; some days I swear I do but I really don’t. Add a lovely box of Tim Hortons doughnuts to the mix and you have one sugar high kinda day.

Those of us that were in the office today really didn’t seem to get a lot done other than eat and giggle. I kid you not, for sure there were three of us, and we are not 18 year olds; I am in fact the youngest one in the office, but any given day (especially the days without the boss we are all about 18). Ok so we maybe got a little bit of work done today, but not very much. Actually at about 11:00 this morning I began counting down the minutes until the end of the day. It was rather interesting and no one could understand what I was doing, all I knew was that I had come up with an ingenious way to make the day go very slow and to annoy my co-workers.

Adults on a choco-sugar high are rather funny, it’s really a good ole fashion “fix”. Everyone giggles and rolls their eyes into the back of their head, well not everyone but I’m pretty sure the big T* did. Thank the heavens that we have a corporate version of messenger, this way co-workers can fool around without getting caught. I can type away (as I did today) to others in the office, and it actually looks like I am working away, toiling away, putting in a good honest days work. HAHAHA not!

I actually think that I am still on a sugar high, I only ate 3 chocolate bars and a muffin, but then we got a A&W treat as well (thanks to big T), so I think I now weigh in at 125 pounds (not good). The Arnold and Walter was pretty funny actually Topher* managed to pack ‘er away without making a single noise, not a word spoken. There were people in and out, visiting here and there. Topher didn’t lift his head, well maybe to grab a drink of his root beer.

Today being Halloween, I believe it is the annual day for me to anonymously go out and play some good old fashion tricks on the unsuspecting. One individual that crossed into my dark side this morning is getting it for sure. Now where did I put that whipped cream?

* Using aliases to hide the identity of my poor criminals.

Just go to sleep!

Why is it, on a night when you know you are tired, that you know you have to get up early the next morning; this is the night that your mind seems to think it is time to conjure up stupid ideas, and plans, and to think of stupid things that you really don’t care about? Or is this just me?

I wanted to go to sleep so badly last night, but of course I just had to watch a show while I lay in bed fighting my eyelids not to drop. When the show was over I decided it was time to close the peepers and catch some z’s. Right, not likely now; now I begin to think about what happened yesterday. What I don’t want to do today and what I want for the New Year. What the crap! I don’t care right now, I want to sleep damn it. I tell myself to shut up, I beg myself to shut up, I say “shhhh just sleep now”. I try to soothe myself like I am a baby. Nothing, nope, I just roll around, and move the blankets, I’m hot, ok no now three minutes later I’m cold; maybe without the pillow, nah I want the pillow.

Finally, sweet Jesus I somehow fell asleep. Just in time for Oscar to call me and tell me he was almost home from his hockey game (keep in mind it is now 12:30, I work tomorrow and I am the type that needs sleep). I hang up the phone and hover between kind of asleep and kind of awake; Oscar comes in, after the dogs have their bark and freak out because they heard a noise episode; after which I tried to ignore but hello! Oscar comes up to our room to let me know he’s home (I think I have a clue!). Then he goes down stairs to do some computer stuff and watch his coveted sports high lights. I thrash and toss, and then my mind begins to wander again, and I scream inside, all I want is a good deep sleep damn it! That is all that I ask!

Oscar finally comes to bed about an hour later, his routine is to turn our bedroom t.v. on and re-watch all of the amazing footage and news from the days sporting events as he falls asleep. I immediately threw my pillow over my head so that he got the hint that I wasn’t asleep yet. So he was a sweetie and shut the t.v. off and got into bed. He apologized for waking me up, which I said was ok, because most of the time I do just go back to sleep but apparently last night just wasn’t my night. He then promptly begins snoring, which of course makes me madder than ever, I am laying here wide awake, he hit the pillow and is out for the count; oh, and by the way he is off tomorrow. I finally hear our clock hit 2:00 am, and think to myself, oh goodie, it’s two and I am still awake.

I woke up this morning, after hitting snooze two times (and Oscar didn’t move either time the alarm went off). I made it through the day barely, not to mention I just generally felt like I was hit by a truck.

Product tester

So I read the news every morning when I get to work, this morning an article caught my attention. A) Because it sounded stupid and B) I wondered who would do this, and then I took that thought back.

So this particular article said that Durex condoms are looking for 1,000 people to test their products and get back to the company. Of course my first thought was something along the lines of a new kind and they wanted to make sure they worked, “oh oops, sorry babe, this guy ripped right in half!”

Then I got reading further down, they are actually going to interview interested individuals. Applicants will be asked a series of questions to make sure they are a good fit for this dream job," the company said in a statement. Which I guess makes sense because there is going to be a line up as far as the eye can see. We know men; they will jump at the opportunity to even think about getting lucky.

“Questions include, 'How often do you use condoms? And, 'Why do you want to be a Durex condom tester?'” Oh my, I would love to read the answers to these questions! Who wouldn’t, these guys are going to come up with the most creative answers just so they can be picked. All the company is going to do is mail a bunch of different items out of their product line up, and then guys get to play away and then log onto a Durex site and explain their likes and dislikes.
I honestly have to say that this is really one of the weirdest things I have heard of, you hear of companies doing this sort of thing, I guess it was only a matter of time before the world of “product testing” reached into these waters.

The article goes on to say and I quote “To get the job, the company is looking, in particular, for creative responses to the question about why they want to be a condom tester” I dont even want to tell you the answers I have come up with...at least for some of the guys I know.

I want to meet the dudes that came up with this idea. I can think of lots of other companies that should do this kind of marketing; I think it would be damned funny. Just think about it, “please use our hemorrhoid cream and then log into our system and tell us what was great about it and what your suggestions are!” or to send out like 3 different new flavours of toothpaste for people to try such as cyan flavoured for those who like a little spice, chocolate flavoured for the chocoholics and last but not least coffee flavoured toothpaste so you get your first shot of coffee first thing in the morning and right before you go to bed.

My killer project

I love to paint, by this I mean, the walls in my house or other peoples houses; I think this comes from my love for interior design. People in the area hear that I went to school for interior design and they make the phone call to ask for my help. Yesterday I got to go help a local woman choose colors for her place, the major problem she was having is that she has the nice 80’s burgundy/orange/brown carpet. That was fun, she wants to get rid of the carpet but she can’t quite yet. Instead of getting paid, I get a free massage; no she isn’t just a strange woman wanting to do a massage in place of money. She is a masseuse, and a good one, so I am pumped free massage! Yah! The next paint adventure that is ongoing for me is the whole “paint those ugly peach vertical blinds”. That is the project that I decided to start a few weeks ago; well this is the piddlyest paint job that has ever existed. I have something like 43 pieces to paint and I have to do two coats per side. I am doing this project out in our garage, so I have a paint sheet down and lay out about eight of these panel things down at a time and paint away. Not to mention that I work outside of the house for a living, so at the end of the day I get to park my jeep outside the garage, go in change and go paint for an hour or so; ya it is exactly what I want to do every day after work. Not. Now I am not a messy painter, I hardly ever make a mess I don’t have rags laying around me; my clothes don’t really get dirty. I get a drip or a spot I shouldn’t have, I simply wipe with my finger and wipe it on my pants; that is the extent of my mess. Well this dorky project I have started (and I believe I have gone crazy because of it), well it is a somewhat messy job. Last night for example was a really good one, I somehow managed to get paint all over the bottoms of my feet; no please don’t ask me how, I haven’t even figured it out yet. Then there is the business of my hands, I had white hands, just think albino. It was rather funny, but I don’t like being covered in paint, I suppose if I had continued working any longer I would have had paint in my hair and on my face, thank God I am using water base paint. I am looking for someone, anyone….anything that wants to come out and paint about 25 more panels for me. I don’t think Oscar would think its cool or funny of I leave just a few white panels hanging from the rod and chucked the rest out the door; which I am getting very close to doing. I paint for about an hour an evening, and then clean the mess; I am sitting very close to the edge, very very close.

Request hour

I was sitting at my desk today minding my own business listening to the radio. It was the call in request hour or whatever the station does; some idiot called in and wanted to listen to one of the worst songs in the world that is played over and over on Halloween, the Monster Mash. I would rather pull my hair out one strand at a time then listen to this song, I can’t stand it, and I honestly steer far away from the radio on October 31st. Today’s post doesn’t have a whole lot to do with me; it does have a lot to do with the people that live in my area and the local radio stations. We happen to have a Hutterite colony near our town, they love to call into the radio request hours and choose songs, and chat away with the DJ. First of all, no one can really understand them and second of all, I cannot get over some of the songs they request. If you don’t know what a Hutterite is here is a quick little explanation; they live on their own colony. They go to town in whatever vehicle the colony owns; the higher up men can have a cell phone. They speak German, and they have to make their own clothes and the women wear dresses and were a black bonnet/bun cover thing on their head. The men wear black pants, suspenders and collared shirts. They make a bit of money by selling pies, chickens etc to the outside community. The colonies that have more money have more things, such as a nicer vehicle, power, televisions etc. The colony near our town is one of the poorer ones. Just today right after the Monster Mash was on, a lovely Hutterite gentleman called in and requested Weak in the Knees – Serena Ryder for one of the other guys because this other guy is frustrated today. So I am assuming that his love interest isn’t so interested, maybe she is in love with his brother, who really knows. What I do know is that I laughed and laughed, you don’t understand how often they call in to request songs or just to talk, they love the idea of being on the radio, and it’s like their five minutes of fame. I never actually pay attention to any of it; well mostly because I have my own tunes on, but today I just decided to do the radio thing, I am quite happy I did. A while back when I listened to the radio one of the Hutterite men called in and requested Madonna; I really actually wonder how they know so much music, they obviously listen to the radio all the time, but come on 80’s Madonna tunes?

The perfect Costume?

The Halloween party at the local watering hole will be held next weekend, most of the people that attend enjoy dressing up for the evening; to pretend they are someone or something else, and to have some wobbly pops and run around like they are 10, and I am hoping that 10 year olds don’t drink wobbly pops, just pops.

Oscar and I haven’t been to the party the last few years, we are however thinking about going this year. We have never dressed up for the event either, and for some reason my lovely husband is all over the idea of putting on a costume this year. He has never wanted to do this before, so I am kind of wondering what he is thinking, maybe there is an ulterior motive going on here; I’m just not really sure what it is. Perhaps he has decided to finally let that long time forgotten fantasy to dress up as a butterfly again like he did when he was little out of the bag. Don’t get me wrong, I would gladly help him dress up into any costume he chooses, if it is a weirdly girly costume like this butterfly thing from his past; which he would kill me for mentioning on here, but it’s too late now. I will have to find a manly, boyish costume for myself, not that I want to but something has to be done to balance out the girlyness.

If I am going to dress up, which I haven’t even decided on yet, I was thinking about something funny, perhaps a pregnant nun, or a headless person, or the grim reaper. I know the grim reaper isn’t all that original, but I am grabbing at straws here; and if I want to decide on my costume I need a little time to build the costume. The headless outfit is one I did when I was younger, so I would have to get on it, and make a paper Mache head and built the shirt. I think it would be sweet, then no one would know who you are; that is my favourite part, when people try to figure you out.

Friends of mine went as blow up dolls last year or the year before, I wasn’t there to see it, but my gosh were the outfits creepy when I saw pictures, imagine it if you will, rubber suits with a blow up valve at the belly button, and a mask thing with no facial expression and a ummm well open mouth shall we say. Yep pretty darn weird if you ask me.
Who comes up with some of the costumes you can buy? Seriously, I have been looking around, and geesh there is everything from being a chick magnet, to a body bag, really. If you Google Halloween costumes you should see all the junk that comes up, there are some really good ones among the muck though.

Here comes Halloween, my favourite time of year!!! Bwahahahahaha

Butt Massage

So, we worked outside in our back yard on Saturday, yes I know you are thinking “so what? Everyone works in their yard.” Well ya you are right, but our back yard is a disaster and I’m going to tell you why.

I was a brianiac and informed my husband that we were going to rip these bushes out in our back yard. That’s all fine and dandy to begin with, this project was spear headed in May, I believe, and we have now reached mid October so that puts us at a good six months. This project should have only really taken about a month or so all total, but no we had to stretch this baby out until next year at the earliest.

We tried to rip these ginourmous bushes out with our little tractor, yes people there are different sizes of tractors, get with the program here. Our poor little guy just couldn’t stand up to the massive bush I was determined to get rid of, so we borrowed the tractor that Oscar recently broke. We were successful in the removal, and by removal I mean tearing these ill-fated bushes out by the roots.

We then neatly piled and stacked these bushes around the back yard in piles of all sorts of shapes and sizes; the next job on the list was to remove the bushes and Rota-till the said area. Well, we don’t look out into our back yard that much so the mess just got worse, grass grew high around our tree piles and lawn chairs also disappeared into the jungle, as well as our hot tub that we don’t use in the summer, you honestly could not see it, we weren’t even sure if it was still there.

We had a beautiful weekend come up so we decided that now, right now, not three months ago when the weather was spectacular and the days longer; no, now was the time to try to deal with this chaos before the snow came and if the snow came now we would be really screwed. Oscar warmed up the little tractor, because it can handle the hauling of these exquisite tree branches and such. We both got to load piles and piles of branches and garbage into the bucket of our tractor, and take breaks to sip our warm coffee (doesn’t this sound like a romantic weekend project, yup that’s what I though). Some of the items we found out back were things we have never seen and they somehow made it into our back 40 from who knows where.

I then had to clip grass from around our hot tub, and I discovered that we actually have a sidewalk around the hot tub, I had almost forgotten about it with the jumble that we created back there. I then moved onto trying to rip some of the roots that are still in the ground from the gargantuan bushes, I really didn’t have much luck, those babies are miles into the ground, well maybe not but it feels that way anyhow. No I didn’t have one of those blooper moments when the person pulls and pulls so hard that they then either poops their pants or go flying backwards into an awkward position at which time they poop their pants; no I wasn’t that lucky.

We are still not done back there; there are still two more piles to move, and the Rota-tilling to do. I’m not sure if we are going to get ‘er done before the snow flies, and I don’t know if my back, and legs, and arms, and buttocks can handle the burden. My body is so sore, no no; I don’t think you understand my pain. Today at work I could not sit to long, or stand to long, or walk around to much or anything else for that matter, I have pain in my left butt cheek and down my leg, I believe it is from the tug of war I was playing with those root thinger-ma-jiggers. I just want to lie in the hot bath tub, sleep in the hot bath tub, and perhaps have a lovely bum massage. Anyone up to the challenge?