Butt Massage

So, we worked outside in our back yard on Saturday, yes I know you are thinking “so what? Everyone works in their yard.” Well ya you are right, but our back yard is a disaster and I’m going to tell you why.

I was a brianiac and informed my husband that we were going to rip these bushes out in our back yard. That’s all fine and dandy to begin with, this project was spear headed in May, I believe, and we have now reached mid October so that puts us at a good six months. This project should have only really taken about a month or so all total, but no we had to stretch this baby out until next year at the earliest.

We tried to rip these ginourmous bushes out with our little tractor, yes people there are different sizes of tractors, get with the program here. Our poor little guy just couldn’t stand up to the massive bush I was determined to get rid of, so we borrowed the tractor that Oscar recently broke. We were successful in the removal, and by removal I mean tearing these ill-fated bushes out by the roots.

We then neatly piled and stacked these bushes around the back yard in piles of all sorts of shapes and sizes; the next job on the list was to remove the bushes and Rota-till the said area. Well, we don’t look out into our back yard that much so the mess just got worse, grass grew high around our tree piles and lawn chairs also disappeared into the jungle, as well as our hot tub that we don’t use in the summer, you honestly could not see it, we weren’t even sure if it was still there.

We had a beautiful weekend come up so we decided that now, right now, not three months ago when the weather was spectacular and the days longer; no, now was the time to try to deal with this chaos before the snow came and if the snow came now we would be really screwed. Oscar warmed up the little tractor, because it can handle the hauling of these exquisite tree branches and such. We both got to load piles and piles of branches and garbage into the bucket of our tractor, and take breaks to sip our warm coffee (doesn’t this sound like a romantic weekend project, yup that’s what I though). Some of the items we found out back were things we have never seen and they somehow made it into our back 40 from who knows where.

I then had to clip grass from around our hot tub, and I discovered that we actually have a sidewalk around the hot tub, I had almost forgotten about it with the jumble that we created back there. I then moved onto trying to rip some of the roots that are still in the ground from the gargantuan bushes, I really didn’t have much luck, those babies are miles into the ground, well maybe not but it feels that way anyhow. No I didn’t have one of those blooper moments when the person pulls and pulls so hard that they then either poops their pants or go flying backwards into an awkward position at which time they poop their pants; no I wasn’t that lucky.

We are still not done back there; there are still two more piles to move, and the Rota-tilling to do. I’m not sure if we are going to get ‘er done before the snow flies, and I don’t know if my back, and legs, and arms, and buttocks can handle the burden. My body is so sore, no no; I don’t think you understand my pain. Today at work I could not sit to long, or stand to long, or walk around to much or anything else for that matter, I have pain in my left butt cheek and down my leg, I believe it is from the tug of war I was playing with those root thinger-ma-jiggers. I just want to lie in the hot bath tub, sleep in the hot bath tub, and perhaps have a lovely bum massage. Anyone up to the challenge?