Can you help me?

My amazing practical joke skills have been requested by a coworker. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He may have asked partly because he wants to turn my attention away from playing pranks on him, and partly because he wants me to help him get the "other" people who enjoy doing things to him. Either way, I think it is an amazing chance to do some great handy work and have someone else to take the entire fall when the poopoo hits the fan.

I would like to take this time to regale you all with some of my best work.

I have to say one of my favorites is from last summer. Now a note before I begin this story, I live around a lot of men who are, shall we say "homophobic". I am not, I have friends and family who are gay, and I love them to pieces. My practical joke was only poking at this slight, redneck country boys phobia. I was surfing the net one day and I began reading some great jokes done by others, and one caught my attention immediately. It was a simple newsletter/sign up sheet for an odd company or group that was mailed out to an individual. Now of course when they get this letter in the mail they would be very confused and possibly embarrassed because it is something they would never have signed up for in their life!

I took this and ran with it, I ran far! I knew right away that I would be sending a "Thank you for volunteering to be a part of the gay parade in the city" type newsletter/sign up sheet to a few particular guys I know; firstly because I knew they would be so unbelievably embarrassed and slightly annoyed. I immediately went to work building a very real letter, I did quite a bit of research and work on this project, because I knew that in the end it was going to be wonderful. I sealed the letter and sign up sheets in nice envelopes with printed labels and address stickers. I had to let my husband in on the prank, because he was headed off to the city and I wanted these mailed from there, so that it looked very credible.

A week went by and the letters started to show up in the mail boxes. Some of the guys had to tell us all about the crazy mail they received, others didn't breathe a word. A few of them tried to point fingers, and some of them just whispered a few words. To this day no one knows where their letters came from, and I love it, love it, love it.

A few other small, but funny pranks I have pulled are around the office. It is always fun to have the girl at the front desk page someone for a phone call from a weekend fling. Or to change the keys around on some guys' keyboards when you know that they have to look down to type, it confuses the hell out of them. Tape down buttons on their phones, or slow down their mouse speed. Another good one is to put a piece of tape over the light on the optical type mouse, it will not do a thing, no matter how much you jiggle it, and push it around, the arrow sits on the very same spot on the screen. Another good one to do around the coffee machine - we have plastic cups that you double up when you have a cup of Jojo. I go through the pile and put tiny pin holes in the odd cup in the stack, it is funny as hell to watch someone freak out because their cup is leaking......come on, just grab another cup, quit running around and acting like a little school girl.

I could tell you more, but then I would have to kill you....cause I love to use these little gems over and over again. Feel free though to lend an idea from me, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Here I come 2008!

I know, I know. I have been MIA for a week…..or so. Well I needed some downtime to just get through the gong show named Christmas. Now that I am at the end of that tunnel I get to celebrate a fresh start, a new year. Tonight at the stroke of 12 I will be so damned happy, I could kiss everyone around me. I just home 2008 doesn’t let me down, I have high hopes for her.

Another great story about my Dad, because there are so many.

I am having a wonderful relaxing evening all to myself last night, when my phone rings. It is Dad, giggling like a little school girl. A salesman called trying to peddle Primus the phone company, Dad likes to play around with the annoying sales men that call all the time, so he regaled me with this story:

The guy (and of course they all have a heavy accent and it’s hard to understand them) tells him he is calling to save Dad money. He then asks if Dad makes local, long distance or overseas phone calls. My father says “umm overseas I guess”, so the guy then asks where he phones to, and Dad says “Antarctica” without missing a beat. The guy then asks him to spell it for him, so he does.

He then says “Just one moment please Mr. Mike” and puts him on hold for a moment. The salesman comes back on and asks him where in Antarctica does he call, so Dad comes up with “Sharps Corner”, the guy again says “just one moment please Mr. Mike” and puts him on hold. He comes back and asks Dad to spell that for him, so Dad spells out Sharps Mountain instead. The man is a bit confused and then for the final time said “just one moment again please Mr. Mike”. By this time my Dad was bouncing around the dining room in from of my Mom who was wrapping Christmas gifts, he was giggling so much he couldn’t do it anymore, and had to hang up the phone.

Immediately after he hung up the phone, before he could even gather his composure he had to call someone to tell the tale to, and lucky me, he dialed my number.

It’s just another day….

I figure he will be pulling practical jokes when he's a 90 yr old man in a retirement home....I can just see it now, I will be getting phone calls from the home saying that others are complaining about his wacky sense of humour, that or from him - giggling his head off that he put a whoopee cushion under some 85 year old ladies chair.

Safety Alert!

I am a freak for H2O, it is all I drink, serious. I love to cart my water around with me in my many different coloured Nalgene water bottles. A co-worker has now informed me that these bottles are not safe! I am so upset over this, for the past 3 to 4 years that is all I have ever carried my water in, they are light weight, colourful and do not leak, even if you let the bottle roll around on the floor of your vehicle (as one of my bottles has done for the past 2 days). I decided to look into this story and the news I found was shocking, as of today I now ban my beautiful Nalgene bottles out of my life…sniff.

Here are a few tid-bits I do want to share, because I have a deep feeling that some of this is related to my past year.

“For years, hikers, bikers, campers, and other outdoor recreationalists have favored wide-mouthed water bottles made from Lexan® polycarbonate plastic, like those sold under the brand name Nalgene®. Lexan‚s advantages have been as clear as the water that flows from containers made from it. It‚s tough, lightweight, absorbs no flavors, and imparts no unpleasant tastes to liquids stored inside. According to new research, it may, however, be imparting unhealthy doses of a chemical called bisphenol-A.
According to several recent studies, polycarbonate plastic readily leaches a chemical called bisphenol-A (BPA) into foods and liquids that are stored in containers made from it. BPA has been identified as an endocrine disrupting chemical, or a chemical that easily mimics hormones when absorbed by the human body. In the case of BPA, the hormone being mimicked is estrogen. Exposure to this compound at the wrong time can cause a cell division problem called aneuploidy in which chromosomes do not evenly split as a cell divides, leaving the two resulting cells with more or fewer chromosomes than normal. This uneven distribution of genetic material can in turn lead to cancer, miscarriage, and birth defects that include Down‚s Syndrome.
Unfortunately, polycarbonate plastic bottles and containers are identified by the plastic recycling symbol #7, which is used for a wide variety of plastics and plastic mixtures that fall into the "Other category. Unless this #7 symbol is accompanied by the letters "PC, there‚s no sure way to tell if the container in question is made from polycarbonate or some other kind. To be safe, environmental advocates suggest simply avoiding #7 plastics altogether and opting for safer choices for food and beverage storage.”

They are really pushing for people to use metal water bottles, and bottles that have a ceramic lining. I know for sure that my Nalgene bottles are being retired until I know more.
There is my safety bulletin for the year.

Just a Deposit?

I have been using up my vacation and flex days, as well as hours that I have build up from when I was being driven to work an hour early for the entire summer. I have not worked a full week in over a month. You can bet your boots that I hate the thought of actually working a full week in the New Year. I am trying in vain to come up with some way of getting out of work for at least one day a week, or more. The only thing I can think of is having a baby, ya well that isn’t happening fast.

I wonder why for the beginning of our adult lives we try our darndest not to get knocked up, and then when we decide we want to it is the hardest thing to do. It should be as easy as saying “Yep, I’m gonna have a baby now”. Everything else seems to be that easy, only you need money for everything else in the world, so why not have a deposit box somewhere where anyone who wants to have a family can just go make a deposit of say $100 (cause we all know how crazy expensive kids are), and then go home and wait one month and be on your way. This way you are also guaranteed that there will be no “recalls” better known as miscarriages, and if you pay the extra insurance you will be covered if your baby is sick in any way. Doesn’t it sound like a good idea? I think so.

A Billion Pounds

Tis the season to gain a billion pounds, and I am so not exaggerating, I promise.

In my place of employment around Christmas time we get amazing meat trays, heavenly assorted baskets, beautiful nut trays and other lovely goodies. The sit on the counter that is, oh we will say four feet away from me. The only exercise I get in a day is getting my butt out of my chair to walk to the counter to eat something, anything that is on the counter. Then we have office potlucks and catered lunches, oh when will it end.

This year is crazy outside of work as well. My grandparents are going to be out of town for Christmas, so we have to have this big turkey supper before they leave. After that we have a birthday party on Tuesday, nothing on Wednesday thank the lord (because I have one of the divine potlucks that day). On Thursday we have a catered lunch at work, and then an engagement supper for my cousin that evening. Friday I have another fantastic potluck at work, and so far nothing in the evening, but it is still early.

So see I am totally not exaggerating that I will most likely gain a billion pounds.

This is all I have to say today….

I have this by my desk; I look at it longingly when I can’t wait for the weekend. Usually first thing Monday morning to be totally honest with you, oh and that is what I look like on Monday mornings. It’s a really good thing I don’t work in a fancy shmancy office…..I just work in an office.

No I do like my job, but I also love the weekends more. I also have on my desk a lovely quote….it goes “I don’t mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch”. I mean come on who doesn’t agree with that? It’s just funny to me really, who would rather be at work than at home? Well ok, some of you workaholic freaky people, not some of us “normal” folks.

I also quite enjoy the quote I have on the front of my desk. “I am really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.” Which is really funny to me as well, because I am the only woman in an office of over 20 people, so of course it is only fitting….don’t you think?